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A good start, but I would like to see a little more length to it. And you leave a good bit to guess work. For example how did Ollie escape her mind and take form in front of her. These often put the readers off kind of. I would like to see from you a more grounded plot and one that flows. So a B- for effort and the promise to keep getting better.
I would agree with you Sue, if it werent for the fact that I dont think this story was meant to be serious. I believe Robert's intent was for the story to be short, and lighthearted, so I think the length was fine, and while I wondered at first, how Ollie got there, it wasnt something I dwelled on, nor did it take away from the story. Robert, I'd say you did a fine job. But keep Sue's advice in mind if you decide to write a more serious story. I have a feeling you will.
well it was certainly entertaining. but it felt a bit... whats the word.. awkward. i dunno. its fun to see revenge of the OC's but that does beg the question, how did said OC get into our world. * smells a plothole hat needs taping shut *
A oneshot about a mouseboy's revenge on an abusive artist. ^^ It has some Ollie/Saku shipping 
