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File Name: a lesson from my sister (77.4 KB) Download
Author: karen (Uploaded by Lakaren)
Date Added: November 3rd, 2017
Downloads: 59
Grade: C+
Description
Well, this tells a little about the story of Karina, an ordinary girl who at one point has to fight with the anger of her sister.I'm sorry for my lousy English.
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Comments
oigres
November 15th, 2017 at 03:55 AM
spanktacular
November 18th, 2017 at 02:03 AM
Okay first off, thanks for taking the time to share this with us. As a writer myself, I understand that it takes time and effort to write something and courage to share it with others especially since English is not your first language; so thank you.

A couple things you might work on: a bit more development on your characters.
In the beginning you mention a bit of Karina's family, but there's little about who she is,
what she looks like, what her personality is like etc. It's the same with her sister the other main character.

Another thing is a bit of logic, Karina goes from being a student who likely has very poor scores due to her lack of concern with her studies, but about a year later she's skipped several years of schooling and is going to graduate high school? This seems highly unlikely even with her discovery of a love for reading. She'd need to first bring up her average, then show outstanding intelligence, and then do a fantastic amount of work or test out of quite a bit of it in order to skip that many grades and all in a very short amount of time.

The format of the story is interesting as well, since it's told in first person and also it ends with "BYE!" it might be a fun idea to make the whole story a diary entry or something similar since it sort of has that feel to it. Anyways thank you again for sharing you work, keep writing, you'll improve the more you do! Good luck!
Lakaren
Today at 03:51 AM
Spanktacular:Thanks for commenting, it's very helpful. Yes, I'm not good at English hahaha, it would be easier if I could upload it to Spanish ja.In shortly I will upload a small description of the characters and how Karina got where she is now.


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