Want to get rid of the annoying adverts? The answer is simple. There are 4 levels of advertising on AnimeOTK:
Level 1: (Your Level, guests and members with 0-9 posts) has maximum advertising. Level 2: (A user with 10 or more posts who has been a member over two weeks) have vastly reduced advertising (including removal of the large full screen closable adverts) Level 3: (A member who has been registered over a month and has over 50 posts, or has a special account like "artist" or "writer" sees minimal advertising. Level 4: (VIP Donators) receive no advertising.
All donators of $10 or more will never see an advert on our site again!
I dont pull punches, so I hope this doesn't come across as harsh. It's short which you already noted. It was also written a long time ago, as you said. Did you think to refresh it? As it wasn't long, this might not have been such a chore to do so.
Your style seems to have changed since then, so what I'll say might seem obvious to you now. Audibles, sometimes okay, but non-stop isn't a joy to read. It's a shortcut to describing actions.
It might make the page longer, but breaking actions of one between responses of another 4eads better.
One or two speed bumps is hardly worth noting if it was longer. Shorter, well...
The exchanges didnt flow smoothly.
I know what its like have an older piece you've done and for nostalgia you want to post it, and some writers would say "dont look back." Maybe they are right. I don't know. I agonize over anything I write and rewrite my pieces all the time. So understand where I'm coming from.
The action is quick. You set up the rationale for the spanking, then get directly to it. Awesome. The promise of a followup spanking was a nice touch creatively, but the transition implemented seemed a bit awkward: "You're luck I don't... but I will..."
I hope you receive the critique well. You're a lot further along in writing based on your other stories I've read. Sometimes I get blindsided by what I've written, that I need others to mention something before I see the light. If this is not the case, and you prefer to not look back, then you have my apologies.
