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Comments
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Mina
August 16th, 2008 at 08:36 AM |
Again, you do it fine ! I loved it ! You have the "little something" i like in these story ! continue ! |
Inuyasha2cute
August 21st, 2008 at 04:13 PM |
That was a great story Eva1. I loved it. My favorite part is when Mina told the girl's to leave and they started to complaine then she came outta no where with a brush and said GO! Lol! That was hilarious! And the girls ran off. Lol. I really liked it. |
Eva1
August 16th, 2008 at 10:55 AM |
Yes Mina-sama ._. and thank you ^-^ |
Cc
August 16th, 2008 at 07:02 PM |
Well done Eva~ a good story that could still use grammatical corrections. <<; Did you take my advice? Tsk tsk! Either way it was written better than the last, and you do very good details/descriptions during spanking scenes. Nice work.
A few notes. ' should not be used for plurals (multiples) but only for possessives.
DO USE: Sarah's bottom throbbed.
DO NOT USE: Sarah walked between the tree's. [No! xD]
Also, 'goodly' isn't a word. Heh ^^; Try 'well' or 'very' instead. Example:
Those two will now not leave here without being goodly sorry for trespassing.
Those two will now not leave here without being very sorry for trespassing.
Those are a few of the things I noticed. Either way though you're improving! Enjoyed it! |
Eva1
August 16th, 2008 at 08:10 PM |
Thank you so much Cc, I did get it proof read this time. Some of the lines Mina says it how she RP's to make it more fun so Goodly is one of them XD Il note the other observations and will try my best to apply it to the story ^-^ |
weaver
August 18th, 2008 at 06:59 PM |
Mina must make a lot of gold by collecting all that armor and weapons over the decades and centuries. Take the loot, spank the trespassers, sell the loot.
Enjoyable story, Eva1
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AnimeFan23
August 20th, 2008 at 06:50 PM |
hehe very nice story Eva I enjoyed reading it great job  |
vpanovec
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 PM |
Goodly is not a word Cc, but Mina uses it as a word anyway, so its perfect! Eva did a good job of catching Mina's personality, and the setting of the forest. Good work Eva. |
