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This file has two more stories from the journeyman mage series. Yeah, I know, I said before I wasn't sure about having an actual series, but it turns out this premise gave me more ideas than I expected, so I figured, so long as ideas keep coming, why not keep writing?
The two stories are:
Charity -- Jessica tries to donate the first purse of money to a House of Healing. F/F otk hand
Thievery -- Jessica has a little adventure on the road. F/F otk hand
Jessica appears to be an almost ideal spanking story heroine, in the sense she has many faults to get punished for. Here in addition to being selfish, arrogant and immature, we see that she is naïve and profoundly ignorant about the world. I get the impression that she lived a fairly sheltered and comfortable life before this point. She has that special foolishness that comes from not really grasping the true meaning of the word poor.
We also see that she’s a slow learner, the better to get her more spankings, and apparently a fairly lousy mage, given she’s just had her magic sealed twice. (you’d figure a battle mage would learn how to defend against that sort of thing, even an apprentice)
Unfortunately we get another unlikeable spanker, and this one is the least pleasant of the lot. I frankly don’t think she had any business spanking Jessica at all. She tries to get Jessica to work for her cause, and after Jessica refuses several times she keeps trying and Jessica loses her temper and tells her that she doesn’t approve of her cause. In short she punished Jessica for giving her an honest opinion. (Jessica’s opinion may be erroneous and based off of a skewed world view, but that’s no reason to punish her).
Mind, Jessica is in no way blameless, she as usual brought this on herself. The entire time she was in the house of healing she was ill-mannered, arrogant, thoughtless, and inconsiderate of others. She doesn’t even try to control her temper. (in fact I wonder why her master thought she could be trusted to travel alone, she’s immature, has little patience, no empathy, no people skills, and no knowledge about life outside her home city). And she was extremely rude and insulting. I have no problem with the healer calling her out for not knowing what she was talking about, nor with Jessica being thrown out on her ass for acting like that.
But I think spanking her, then telling her to get out was going to far. Especially because while punishing Jessica for insulting her order, the healer insulted Jessica’s order (in fact there seems to be allot of hatred from domestic mages towards battle mages) and insults Jessica personally. The result is that she came across as self righteous, and just as rude and snobbish as Jessica in her own way.
The second story I enjoyed more. Now we see Jessica has a bit of a mean streak, I keep picturing her doing Edward Elrics evil grin. I also keep remembering something I heard in Black Addar, “ tis the way of the world Baldric, we take our frustrations out on those beneath use. I am annoyed, therefore I kick the cat, the cat scratches the mouse, and the mouse bites you on the ankle.”
I also liked the contrast between the thief tanking Jessica for not hanging her in a tree, and then begging for mercy during the spanking. I’m actually kinda curious about this girl. She apparently is new to the whole theft thing (and not very good at it) I’d like to know her story.
In fact I’m going to make a blanket statement here, and say that all the side characters were fairly flat. Personally I think that I’d like the stories allot more if there was more detail about the people.
I’m also going to make a personal complaint, which is all your spankings seem to be less about an authority figure punishing a deserving wrongdoer and more about an annoyed person venting their anger on the one who annoyed them (not to say Jessica and the thief weren't asking for it). Part of the reason I found the last chapter more enjoyable is because Jessica’s spanking of the thief is clearly supposed to be that way, where with the others I wasn’t sure.
That said you are clearly a skilled writer, and I'd like to read more of your work in the future. All my complaints aside, the fact is your writing intrigued me enough to go into deep analysis of why I felt the way I did, and that's actually fairly impressive.
Sorry that I didn't seem to react to your criticisms from my second story gin, I had these written and submitted before the second story was posted. I'll try not to make that mistake again. The first story in this pair is sort of a result of not developing the premise enough before writing it, a mistake that I make sometimes when I'm feeling impatient. I'll shall try to see if I can flush out some of the side characters a bit more. To be honest, many of them I haven't really had much thought to bringing back, so I never really gave much thought to developing them. Still, thanks again for your criticisms, they've actually given me a few seeds for the premise of one or more stories. Hopefully, those will be a bit more to your liking.
Oh, and as for the magic-blocking thing, my impression was that she was caught off guard both times. She wouldn't expect an innkeeper to possess any magical talents, and she doesn't have much respect for the Healers. It's kind of hard to protect against an attack if you aren't expecting it, for whatever reason. If I failed to make that part clear, I apologize.
First story was good, but I noticed a lot of typos (and at least one place where Ariana's name changed to "Amelia"). Again, I got the sense that Jessica really deserved this one; if she hadn't been so arrogant and just told her story to Ariana instead of insulting the entire healing order, I'm sure she'd have been more understanding. Hot spankings can either be hot because the victim deserves it, or hot because she doesn't. So far, you seem adept at both subgenres.
Second one was just awesome. While I liked Jessica as a submissive, she turned out to be an awesome top! I'm repeatedly surprised by how powerful she is, though; you'd think someone with all those abilities wouldn't be so frequently outmatched by simple villagers...unless this is in Forgotten Realms or something where there are high level mages everywhere.
