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/My entry for Fireball's Srping Contest. A wilf ride, this one. It was strange to write in that it seemed to keep deviating from the course I had thought.
It's been intense and exhausting to write. It looks nothing like what I first thought it would. It's all build-up and characters doing unrelated stuff and being no one in particular. There's no spanking until page 21, and the picture that inspired it does not com out until page 26 or so, at the end.
It probably sucks and is sappy enough to cause the deforestation of several countries. The half-description half stream of consciousness is probably abhorrent enough to make Virginia Woolf stir in her tomb and swear everlasting vengeance on my namm, and I'd be surprised if anyone is actually bored enough to read it whole.
And I f******* love it.
So there it goes. My entry, with my sincere thanks to Fireball, whatever the result is. You created something that could inspire me, and bring the images and words to create this. Anyone who knows me can tell you that is HARD. But you did, so I hope you enjoy reading it at least a fraction of what I enjoyed making it.
Your story was another one of my favorites! Your description and writing style is beautiful, and the relationship between your characters was deep and interesting. The way you alluded to AOTK in your story was cute. I really related to how you described the spanking fetish, very well done, and the whole story had a very dreamy feel. You're very good at analyzing (like your literary elements of haiku). The characters were all unique with realized personalities. You used proper Japanese, though try to not use it in dialogue, as not everyone knows Japanese and may become confused. The one thing that threw me off a little was the amount of sexual maturity these students had for their age. You wrote them like teenagers, when in the picture they're supposed to be elementary school students. However, I'm judging composition, not necessarily how you wrote in relation to the picture. So your story, as is, is quite lovely! Wonderful job!
Thanks for the comments, and for being brave enough to read of all it XD. Actually, Shiina was meant to be the same Shiina from Fireball's "Sanidine" stories and have a more visible presence (more self-reference, yay!), but the narrative decided to go on another direction and Mayu ended up taking most of her intended role.
I was a bit surprised (pleasantly) by the comment about "proper japanese". I do not speak Japanese myself, beyond very basic sentences and concepts. I have read my share of translated light novels and modern japanese authors and I got a general feeling for how they write and express themselves, that's all. As for analysis, well... I majored in English literature. Text analysis has been a "tool of the trade" of sorts for me for a long time, though I tried to keep it light-hearted and not "serious", so as not to bore people with a comment on poetry that could be as long as the rest of the novel itself XDDDD
And I have to accept your criticism of the characters without reservations. I thought they were teenagers and described as such. My fault on not realizing and, of course, it's too sexually mature for elemnary schoolers. Probably a tad too mature for teenagers, too- they usually aren´t that knowledgeable about desire or the subtler points of power and domination implied on spanking, but regretfully I needed that to advance the story the way I wanted to.
