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File Name: The New Game - Autumn 2009 contest entry (17.9 KB) Download
Author: Emily (Uploaded by Emily)
Date Added: November 8th, 2009
Downloads: 271
Grade: A+
Description
A role-reversal story in the style of Rxx Xxxbxxx. f/M, f/F, m/M, m/F implied.
You do not have permission to download files


Comments
Erebus
November 9th, 2009 at 09:42 PM
You've set the bar really high for this contest, right from the start ! (However, you seem to have forgotten to mention which author you were imitating at the end of the story. I'd be curious to know who it is !)

So... I don't know who the author is, but I really liked the style anyway. It's very expressive and enjoyable. It conveys extremely well the charm, the games and the vitality of childhood. You've done an excellent job of describing the characters and the events.

I didn't mind at all the fact that the spankings weren't described. However (and it is my only criticism), I think the part where the parents agree to the "new game" is too brief and not convincing enough. I love the paragraph describing how humor won't save you from very real consequences, but I believe developing a bit the reasons the parents accept so easily would have been better.

Nonetheless, it's an excellent story, with a well thought-out role-reversal scenario and an extremely enjoyable atmosphere. Congratulations and thank you for the read !
iconoclast
November 26th, 2009 at 03:25 PM
I loved this story. Its like something from the Twilight Zone, or like an old sci-fi story from back in the 50's. That perfect blend of the surreal and the mundane that makes you really stop and think about things that you normally wouldn't even consider. Couldn't quite place the author, though I think I've narrowed it down to two possibilities. Give us a hint: Who's more likely to know this guy, a Martian or Tom Cruise?
Emily
November 27th, 2009 at 12:34 AM
I guess I can give it away in comments: the author is Ray Bradbury, one of the great stylists of the 20th century in my book.
Cc
December 18th, 2009 at 07:49 AM
Wow, this was a very interesting read indeed. I didn't read the description to start with (I downloaded all the contest stories without looking at the descriptions) so reading it was quite interesting because I wasn't sure what was unfolding until later, and I think that you indeed did a very well done writing it. I don't know the author myself, but it sounds familiar, the way it's worded and described.

I thought the way the story unfolded was done rather cleverly and very interestingly, revealing piece by piece of the revelation at a time. I think you wrote it excellently, so nice work. I rated it an A+
arvid
January 20th, 2010 at 08:26 PM
Jinchu
September 6th, 2011 at 03:31 PM
I just wanted to say how great this story was. ^^ Amazong stylisation, I've thought about Bradbury just from the first few lines.


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