Homepage Forum Spanking Art Gallery Oekaki Drawing Board Art Contests Roleplaying Forums Spanking Video Games Spanking Stories and Fiction Spanking Video Downloads of Animes Social Groups Register an account Rules Frequently Asked Questions

  
Go Back   AnimeOTK > Downloads > Spanking Fiction

Want to get rid of the annoying adverts? The answer is simple. There are 4 levels of advertising on AnimeOTK:

Level 1: (Your Level, guests and members with 0-9 posts) has maximum advertising.
Level 2: (A user with 10 or more posts who has been a member over two weeks) have vastly reduced advertising (including removal of the large full screen closable adverts)
Level 3: (A member who has been registered over a month and has over 50 posts, or has a special account like "artist" or "writer" sees minimal advertising.
Level 4: (VIP Donators) receive no advertising.
All donators of $10 or more will never see an advert on our site again!
Navigation
Main | Category Tree | Stats | Search
You do not have permission to download files
File Name: Kemet (Complete version of 'My true story') (157.4 KB) Download
Author: QueenTutankhamun (Uploaded by QueenTutankhamun)
Date Added: December 23rd, 2011
Downloads: 205
Grade: Not Rated
Description
A 26-page long story about a young female pharoah (my sort of alter ego) who gets spanked on her birthday by a rival king, in front of her people and many other heads of state. NC, humiliation,one adult situation, very hard, lots of implements and a spanking machine. This also is the story of the origin of the birthday spanking. (The completed version of My 'true' story).

Thanks to Dodo, Head Paladin George and Jalocin1234 for their ideas and suggestions and for reading it, it would definitely not be as good without their input.

COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!

Thanks for reading
You do not have permission to download files


Comments
QueenTutankhamun
February 6th, 2012 at 10:15 PM
Hi,

To everyone who has read Kemet and (except those of you who have pm'd me with feedback):

Could you leave feedback on this page - even if you just write a sentence or rate the story? I've done nearly 10 pages of the sequel so it would really help with writing the sequel to know what works and what doesn't, or what you would like to see in the sequel/unresolved questions, character development, etc...


Thank you
Strictdaddy1
January 10th, 2012 at 06:30 AM
[Warning: spoilers!]
I will begin with the errors, then the faults, then my own interpretations as a reader, and then move on to the praises. To begin with, the most glaring error is the one involving oil: never, ever, ever, pour water on burning oil. It does not put it out, it spreads the flames. A similar one occurs with the “branding paddle;” i.e, any time a brand is applied, it stays there . . . unless it is reapplied, in which case the skin is removed completely (with accompanying blood, mind you). This would be considered permanent damage. As would, in fact, the “anal spikes;” ripping the colon is not only rather permanent, but risks blood poisoning through peritonitis. In a pure fantasy world, this would need to be explained away with magic or such; in a “realistic” world, it must be re-worked. In addition, in a culture with multiple gods, why is “god” used? If you are trying to encapsulate this into Ahnkesenaten’s monotheism, you should eschew the other gods altogether; you do not.
This leads me to the faults. I am sure you understand that there were no “united nations councils” of the time, and considering each one of these monarchs was a despot trying to expand power, they would have never met except upon neutral ground. The way you have it constructed seems, therefore, a bit contrived. Furthermore, some of the relationships seem odd: a son seems to rule instead of his father, and yet then the father comes along to indulge in the punishment. I don’t get that; it needs to be made clearer to be less jarring. And, finally, some of the events seem to be not only disjointed, but self-contradictory: Tari does not comport herself nobly, but more like a petulant child, and yet is praised for her “bravery” later on. Furthermore, the character of the general doesn’t act tactically at all: if he was thinking correctly, he would have surrounded the arena so as to get a good shot at the emperor; while this would’ve produced a de facto “Mexican stand-off,” they are still in Egypt/Kemet, and a siege would’ve resulted. How you would resolve that, of course, is open to interpretation. But I would’ve fired the guy afterwards, loyalty or not . . .
Regardless of the above, I liked this story; it was sexy, and stimulating, and had some well-written turns of phrase and some excellent imagery. You show that a great deal of thought went into it, and – though none of the characters is truly likable – you did a fairly good job of entering the mind of someone from “long ago.” All too often – and I know this from personal experience both in my own work and of others – period pieces tend to wind up sounding like “okay, modern folk talking in a long-ago place.” We all try (or should) to avoid the “time-traveler” idiocies, and this is why writing isn’t so much an exercise in “first draft” as it is in “revision, revision, revision.” In addition, some parts read to “quickly,” and others go into sufficient detail, and there are one or two which dwell too long to make the point being made; tightening and loosening is a tough trick; but one to which paying attention is worthwhile . . . All in all, a wankable piece, though – like all writers – I would’ve taken a few different tacks. Still, that is not my place to say where the tacks should go; it is your world, and you play in it as you see fit. I am glad I read it.
QueenTutankhamun
January 11th, 2012 at 02:44 AM
Thanks for commenting I would actually have expected more criticism, so if you thought you were being "sarky" as you said, think again! I wonder if I should place this story in an alternate universe rather than make it historical, because of course it differs from the historical record (for example the main character never existed, there are gender swaps with names, etc.). I don't see a problem with a prince regent, which did happen in history if the king chose it, and since the Armarna letters show a lot of diplomatic relations and alliances at the time, monarchs probably did meet though of course the UN thing is just made up (I could change it so it is clearer that the council wasn't made up of all states, just a handful, which was what I meant - another reason for setting it in an alternate universe).

Pints taken about the oil and that some parts are very rushed. Re the branding: does that mean even if the iron isn't hot enough to leave a permanent brand, it would still leave a mark? And the general did surround the arena but they were forced to retreat; another point that must be made clearer obviously. Btw which was your favourite and least favourite bit?
QueenTutankhamun
January 11th, 2012 at 02:47 AM
Btw I thought you'd say the characters and their actions were not believable; I worry about that issue and also whether the ending is believable. And yeah, they're not very likable...did you think the queen herself was likable?
Strictdaddy1
January 11th, 2012 at 04:13 AM
Oh, yes; but if it hisses in water, it is hot enough to leave scars at the very least. My favorite bit was the "waterfall" of tears line; very nice imagery. It is possible, by the way, to survive a thousand swat paddling. I know from personal experience. My least favorite was the rushed revenge, and the varying power level of the Emperor: either his country was a pushover or it wasn't; it can't be both. Inconsistencies always jar; the more so when everything else around it is quality.

And, no, sadly, I didn't really like the queen. She was alternately impervious and ineffective, and her thought train was more than a little naive for an effective ruler. Personality wise? More than a little vain, and not someone I'd care to hang out with, to be blunt. I'd be more than tempted to give her the gimp treatment.
QueenTutankhamun
January 11th, 2012 at 01:59 PM
The naivety is definitely something I worried about and also the brutality, I thought it might not be accepted by the mods (it's less brutal than the dream its based on though). And I'm glad you think its sexy, I thought it lacked descriptions of the characters' appearances, and also none of them are described in erotic terms so aren't sexy, especially her main enemy. And yeah, she's vain cos she's beautiful. What makes you think she's vain or like a petulant child - after all it's hardly a legitimate punishment so isn't she entitled to try to escape it or insult her enemy. I would have thought she was quite brave if it actually happened, because she doesn't show her fear even though she would be terrified or leave when she's released even though that's what anyone else would have done, she was more concerned about not losing face for Kemet and that's why she sat on the throne. Of course she does not think she is brave because she has very high expectations of herself which are unrealistic cos of love for Kemet and that. (or at least that's what I intended to show - it may need a bit of reworking obv, because it did not come through). And by 'rushed revenge' are you referring to the short spanking in the beginning, or the aftermath?
QueenTutankhamun
January 11th, 2012 at 02:26 PM
Oh btw how would she comport herself nobly? And out of interest what sort of time travel idiocies are commonly made? If I'm going to rework Kemet I don't want to make one of those. Do you feel sorry for her or think she deserved it?


DownloadsII 5.1.2 by CyberRanger & Jelle
Based on ecDownloads 4.1 © Ronin

Total page views: , page views today: 0
All times are GMT. The time now is 10:12 PM.


Powered By vBulletin®
©AnimeOTK.com 2007-2021