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File Name: A Hot Bottom for Jilly (52.2 KB) Download
Author: QueenTutankhamun (Uploaded by QueenTutankhamun)
Date Added: July 1st, 2011
Downloads: 343
Grade: B-
Description
16 year old Jilly is spanked by her mom, a friend's mom and her mom's boyfriend over two days and is publicly humiliated. Implements: hand, slipper, hairbrush, wooden spoon, ladle and others.
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Comments
gin
July 6th, 2011 at 03:14 AM
Not any good. There's no real characterization, at all. Each character is just a device to either spank or be spanked.

We're never told what exactly she did that got the other girl in so much trouble, which feels a bit lazy. In fact there's almost nothing in this story but the spanking, with only the skeleton of a plot to justify it.

And why was the other girl being in diapers never mentioned till the moment that Jilly meets her, it just suddenly comes out of nowhere.

And Jilly went from repentant after the first spanking to mean and bullying within like two seconds, with no indication that would happen. and why was she carrying sweets disguised as laxatives.

And the boyfriend ass-raping her with the spoon again came out of nowhere and was really over the top. Totally out of the line of appropriate punishments, or acceptable behavior period. I'm surprised all it got was such a bare mention.

Now I do know there are people with more extreme fetishes, and maybe this was never meant to be a story but rather plotless porn, but even there its pretty weak. The scenes are really clipped, the pacing is rushed, and the details rather minimalistic. Lack of buildup is another problem.

Basically, this is a total failure.
QueenTutankhamun
July 6th, 2011 at 03:46 AM
I agree with several of your comments about no characterization (and, one might add, little description of the characters' appearance.) The story was severely modified from its original form so it would comply with the sites rules but when submitted, the mods rejected it for not complying with the rules so I had to modify it again. The reason given for the spanking was not the original reason and actually wasn't even the beginning of the story - Ally was the original main character with Nadia as a second main character and Jilly as her sidekick. and what is now the beginning was originally 3 pages into the story (which was 6 pages long). And you are completely 100% right that the rape part is not really an ending and is far too brief; the briefness is deliberate because I didn't want it to be rejected - I know the rules say sex is okay and even wedgies are allowed, but honestly I've never felt the rules to be consistently applied here, it appears that some fetishes or scenes are okay while others are not and whether they are allowed or not largely depends on the amount of coverage the fetishes are given (short description=ok, longer one =not okay.) Thanks for rating my story and especially for leaving comments. Just because I disagree with you about certain points doesn't mean I won't use your advice to create better stories.
euniverse
July 16th, 2011 at 08:15 PM
You might be able to post the original version if you get an account at blogspot.com


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