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File Name: Origin of Dayereth - Chapter 2 - A New Home (13.7 KB) Download
Author: Noname206 (Uploaded by Noname206)
Date Added: January 24th, 2011
Downloads: 26
Grade: Not Rated
Description
We flash back to a much younger Dayereth to learn more about his character, and his past.

This is still my first ever spanking fiction. If you like it please let me know :3 If You don't, please feel free to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I want to write something for everyone here to enjoy. Thanks~!
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Comments
iconoclast
February 4th, 2011 at 04:05 PM
Dayereth continues to be a compelling character and I like the way you are widening the scope of your narrative. Fiction is so much more enjoyable when it takes place not in a void, but in a fully realized world with places, peoples and events. Floricia and its inhabitants are a good start. Can't wait to see what other exotic locations and characters your hero will encounter in his travels.

I would like to give you a little technical advice though. You start the story with a description of Floricia and its history. That sort of exposition doesn't need to be all clumped together at the beginning. My suggestion would be to describe the physical surroundings at that point (the flowers, the beach, the landscape, etc.) but then wait to hit us with the history once Dayereth wakes up. He could ask, naturally enough, "Where am I?" and then the sailor could explain about Floricia. That way, no only does the story have a smoother flow, but it also gives you an oppurtunity to show how his rescuer really feels about her home.


DownloadsII 5.1.2 by CyberRanger & Jelle
Based on ecDownloads 4.1 © Ronin

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