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File Name: Revenge of the spanked! (34.5 KB) Download
Author: Robert (Spankofile) (Uploaded by spankofile)
Date Added: November 6th, 2010
Downloads: 153
Grade: A-
Description
The first of hopefully many stories by me A oneshot about a mouseboy's revenge on an abusive artist. ^^ It has some Ollie/Saku shipping

There may be sequel, and Saku and Ollie both agreed to be in this
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Comments
Nadja
November 6th, 2010 at 09:05 PM
Dun dun dunnn!!!
Epicness and mousitude to the max!
I can see the movie posters already:

"Bruce Willis is... OLLIE" (Released February 29th 2011)
aker333
November 6th, 2010 at 09:08 PM
Bahah,Sakura-Chan is going to hunt you down and tan your hide Robert XD
Sue Bell
November 6th, 2010 at 11:48 PM
A good start, but I would like to see a little more length to it. And you leave a good bit to guess work. For example how did Ollie escape her mind and take form in front of her. These often put the readers off kind of. I would like to see from you a more grounded plot and one that flows. So a B- for effort and the promise to keep getting better.
VeepNova
November 7th, 2010 at 06:33 PM
I would agree with you Sue, if it werent for the fact that I dont think this story was meant to be serious. I believe Robert's intent was for the story to be short, and lighthearted, so I think the length was fine, and while I wondered at first, how Ollie got there, it wasnt something I dwelled on, nor did it take away from the story. Robert, I'd say you did a fine job. But keep Sue's advice in mind if you decide to write a more serious story. I have a feeling you will.
Passionate Shadow
November 11th, 2010 at 06:05 PM
Well written but out of character if you ask me =P
Aprion
December 7th, 2010 at 09:55 AM
well it was certainly entertaining. but it felt a bit... whats the word.. awkward. i dunno. its fun to see revenge of the OC's but that does beg the question, how did said OC get into our world. * smells a plothole hat needs taping shut *


DownloadsII 5.1.2 by CyberRanger & Jelle
Based on ecDownloads 4.1 © Ronin

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