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Powerful, intense and erotic. Really well done. I wouldn't worry about your ability to write in English either. From what I see, you've mastered it and then some. I also think this story is very true to the style of your chosen author.
Very, very interesting. Indulge me for a moment as I muse on erotic fantasies male and female.
First off, let me thank you for providing yet another f/m scenario for this story contest... it seems such scenes are predominating among these entries, and I for one am enjoying them all quite a bit.
This one is interesting to me particularly because it's both typical and atypical of the male fantasy of the dominant woman. In most such fantasies, the dominant woman or spanker is reduced to an automaton, fulfilling the man's fantasies without any agency of her own. In this story, as in a similar one I once saw (at http://www.thebarnyard.net/fiction/f...ndi/cyndi.html for the curious) the dominant woman is turned into a LITERAL automaton, existing only to provide the submissive male with the physical aspects of the domination he craves.
And yet there is a very sexy aspect brought to this story, the sincere emotional perspective of the submissive male. He's asking just for the physical aspect of a spanking, but she perceives that there's much more to it than that, more than he can admit himself, even in the privacy of first-person narration. The line "I'll remain the judge of what I need" is where it stops being his story and becomes hers. The line where it stops being a guy topping from the bottom because he thinks he has control and becomes part of her fantasy, no longer just his own... I've been to that line. I've spent time there. I recognize it, and to recognize a part of oneself in a story is one of the eternal pleasures of literature. She transcends the role of automaton and becomes the protagonist of her own story, even if that's not a story our narrator can see or understand.
This feminist analysis brought to you by a well-educated and awfully drunk woman.
Oh, and if it's [that author]'s style, how come the hero's not immortal and there's no blow-by-blow descriptions of swordfights or martial arts?
You really write like a pro. Reading it was an experience I found very rewarding. I wish I was able to read your other stuff.
It would be interesting to see what the differences were if you were able to write it in your own language. (If I could understand that languange of course.)
It must've taken a lot hard work to conjure up all those detailed descriptions in english.
It works very well as a tight short story. I had no problem understanding what is going on. Even of course some questions is left open purposefully.
That's a very interesting and original way for the protagonist to earn what he wants. And it seems to turn in to total fulfillment of that, and even more, in a way.
Also the sad feeling of their breaking 'relationship' gives lot of atmosphere.
This was a really interesting read, I enjoyed it immensely. I though that the correlation between characters was very capturing and intense, and I liked how ambiguity was left to the characters but portions were filled in piece by piece. I haven't read this particular author, so it's hard for me to say whether you "failed" as you put it, or not. I would say if it isn't exactly like his style, you did a good job writing in general, and therefore it could be said that it is an honorable story at least dedicated to his style.
I thought it was powerful and moving, mysterious, and also good at wetting the appetite for more. I would enjoy seeing more of these characters and learning their stories. Great illusions, descriptions, and flat out writing. I thought it was fantastically carried out.
I wanted (but forgot to) add that I enjoyed your reference to the mythological story of Orpheus, I thought it worked perfectly in the setting and I literally smiled upon recognizing it because it fit so perfectly.
For those of you who don't get the reference, the story is from Greek mythology. I think it would enrich this particular reference for you to know:
Orpheus is a masterful musician who falls in love with a beautiful nymph named Eurydice. However she is killed by a snake when being chased by another nymph, and Orpheus travels to the underworld and plays his music for Hades and his wife Persephone. They are softened by the skill of his music, and so they agree that Eurydice may return with him to the living so long as he walks ahead of her as he leaves the underworld with her following, and never looks back. Orpheus however can not resist to look back to make sure his love is following him, and he looks back, and having broken his agreement with Hades, she is whisked back and away from him forever.
Now that the contest is over, I'd like to thank all of you for your interesting comments !
Zelazny was a huge fan of mythology and used it a lot in many of his books, so I felt that I had to make at least a minor reference to something mythological.
