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I am glad that you are eager for feedback to improve as an author! I would love to provide that counsel for you; still, I have a set of complicated circumstances going on in RL that demands my full attention.
One thing that you can help me with is that I have recently become inspired to contribute some spanking fiction. I uploaded a couple of stories -- one in February 2017 and the other in November 2017; unfortunately, the necessary approval to make my handiwork available to everyone on here has been slow-going. It is almost as if the administrators are deliberately ignoring me.
I'm afraid that I can't approve your most recent upload - its on .odt format and I'm fairly skeptical that 70% of our site will be able to open this.
I concur that its not as difficult to open as it used to be for those without open office nevertheless for those not running windows (Of which there are many now, on this site) and those without an updated office... its not feasible.
Can you please reupload in .rtf format as the last story you posted was?
I will then give it my first attention for immediate approval.
Can I also note that the titling and decription of the story doesn't seem right.
I would suggest writing that this was a K-on fanfic, or that it was an F/F story in the title, these are fairly important to do to attract attention.
Do please feel free to link to your fanfic.net profile btw.
I'm sorry for giving this criticism, the story was superb and I hope you can reupload fixing these technial snags.