Bum-Beating by Bubblegum
 

In the Land of Ooo, a peculiar sight was wandering through the cartooned fields. A humanoid but could be one and not one of those extinct human things. He wore a cloak of green, the hood over his head. Nope. Definitely not a human. Could be either a weird creature who has the physical body of one but really one. Not even one when he pulled down his hood.

Holy Glob, he is one! One with nice brunette hair and a human face. Well, what do you know? Looking around his early teens, he continued to walk down the fields and then pulled out a map. "So,... where am I...?"

"Ooo, obviously." Said a nearby voice. A gray skinned female with long black hair floated lazily over him, dressed in a red tank top and simple jeans. She also wore a sun hat and gloves that stretched up to her elbows, both clearly to protect her from the sun. A vampire. "I'm guessing you're new around here, huh kid?"

"Huh?" Looking over with his big green eyes, he caught sight of a floating pale girl. He had to get used to seeing all weirdness of Ooo after reassuring himself that someone has not put anything funny in his drink.

"Well, yeah in a way. I haven't been to this place, though, so this is really,... well, weird." he said, looking down at his map.

"Well, ditch the map first." The vampiress directed, snatching the parchment from his hands and tearing it up. "Here in Ooo, you just gotta go with the flow, you know? Follow me!" She said energetically, floating towards a different direction quickly. "I've got something that'll blow your dingleberries!"

"What? HEY!" he yelled as he saw his only way of finding his locations was demolished and knelt down to inspect it. "Why did you do that...?" he pouted and looked up to see her fly off. Sighing deeply, he slowly followed her.

"If it's a map without any vandal females like you, count me out...!" he growled.

The vampiress blew a raspberry at the boy, continuing her flight. Pretty soon, the two emerged from the forest and into a kingdom made completely of...candy. "This is the Candy Kingdom. It's made completely of sweets. Wanna have a eating contest?"

She sas beginning to get on his nerves, and he stuck his tongue out in return. As they left where he was lost, his mind wandered. And... what the cabbage?

What in the heck was this? Did she say what he thought she just said? A kingdom literally made of candy. No, wait. He's obviously had something funny in his drink; there's no way this was REAL. It was an illusion, and so was the girl. He was dreaming. Everything was fake. Yep, fake.

But, soon catching a whiff of those sweet flavours of doughnuts and pastries lined up, he flinched and looked forward. His eyes were as wide as dinner plates! "A Candy Kingdom?!"

She giggled at his surprise, her fangs gleaming in the sun. "Yep. The sweetest place in Ooo. And the best part is everything there is edible! Even the people. And they don't even mind." She held back her laughter, hoping to trick the boy.

"Th-they're edible...?" he asked with shock in his tone and eyes enlarged with sparkles! "Let's go, then!" Immediately, he barged past many marshmallow men and jumped an inanimate cake, biting off a part of the jam-filled middle.

The Vampire chick giggled and vanished, leaving the boy alone to face the consequences of her cruel joke. As she disappeared, a cake pop man walked over to the strange boy. "Well, hello there stranger. Who might you be?"