[aka]

I've started playing it, and one thing that jobs out to me is that the dialogue is formatted in a rather unclear manner. In particular, anytime you change who is speaking, you should start a new paragraph.

For example, instead of writing:

 

"Hello my name is Annie," said the cute girl. "Oh yeah, well my name is Annabelle, and it's better," said the other cute girl.

Write:

 

"Hello my name is Annie," said the cute girl.

"Oh yeah, well my name is Annabelle, and it's better," said the other cute girl.

This tends to make things much more legible, and means you won't need to color people's dialogue.

It's also not unusual to have dialogue sandwiching prose, so long as it's from the same person. For example:

 

"Girls, what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Really now you've only known each other five minutes."

I personally tend to avoid "doubledeckers." So instead of writing:

 

"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes." She walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat.

I might write:

 

"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes."

The woman walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat.

Or even better, toss a bit of dialogue from someone else in between:

 

"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes."

"She said my name is crappy!" said Annie pointing at Annabelle. "She's a jerk!"

The tall woman walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat to the seat.