A bit of context: the ever-adorable sakura told us about how she'd spanked her girlfriend but been disappointed with the results. The following (longish) chat excerpt is me expounding at length on my philosophy of how a spanking should work. Call it ego, but I wanted it preserved for posterity, and possibly posteriors. Enjoy!
[02:22] <+Emily> Here, sakura, come sit on Auntie Emily's lap. I'll impart the lore of the wise woman to you.
[02:22] <+Worslei> It's a trap!
[02:22] * &TimmyTheWiz eavesdrops!!!!
[02:22] * sakura runs over and jumps on Emily's lap! X3
[02:22] <+Emily>
[02:22] <sakura> Tell me a story aunty :3
[02:22] <+Emily> God, I love having a girl on my lap. Even right side up...
[02:22] <+Worslei> XD
[02:22] <+Worslei> >>
[02:22] <+Worslei> <<
[02:22] <+Worslei> Same
[02:22] <+Emily> Okay, I've spanked my share of bottoms.
[02:23] <sakura> thats my favorite seat :3
[02:23] <+Emily> And WAY more than my share of people who normally considered themselves tops.
[02:23] <+Emily> I kinda specialize.
[02:23] <+Emily> Tops are used to coming through a scene with their dignity perfectly intact, not showing you anything they didn't intend you to see.
[02:23] <+Emily> So even when they're on the other side, they keep trying to do that.
[02:24] <+Worslei> XDDDD I knew that's what you were going to say!
[02:24] <+Emily> They suppress their reactions, their fear and pain and humiliation, because they don't want you to see it.
[02:24] <+Emily> They can't help it, the poor dears.
[02:24] <+Worslei> Shush, I'm not a dear
[02:24] <sakura> hee ^^
[02:24] <+Emily> But if someone comes through a spanking with their dignity intact, it wasn't a spanking.
[02:24] <+Emily> It may have been impact play, but it wasn't a spanking.
[02:24] <sakura> tell me about it =.=
[02:25] <+Emily> A spanking can be three strokes over their pants, as long as it gets them where they live, you know what I mean?
[02:25] <sakura> yeah
[02:25] <+Worslei> Wait, we're giving top lessons? >3
[02:25] <+Emily> I'M giving top lessons.
[02:25] <+Worslei> For now
[02:26] <+Emily> Point is, if she's hiding from you, you shouldn't blame her or be mad at her for it, but you shouldn't let her get away with it either.
[02:26] <sakura> I shouldnt? oO
[02:26] <+Emily> You ask questions like "Are you going to be that mean again? Have you learned your lesson?"
[02:26] <+Worslei> Well, not too much
[02:26] <sakura> I should have ^^
[02:26] <+Worslei> Yes
[02:27] <+Emily> If she responds flippantly or otherwise trying to show you only what she wants you to see, you say "I guess not... seems I'll need to use the hairbrush."
[02:27] <+Emily> The hairbrush, properly applied, will make her show you her real pain and fear.
[02:27] <+Emily> I've never known it to fail when used right.
[02:27] <+Worslei> Indeed~
[02:27] <+Emily> Nothing stings worse and carries more of a weight of humiliation and childish punishment. Nothing.
[02:27] <%Jack> Hairbrushes are AWESOME.
[02:28] <+Worslei> Also, you scare me now. And I know why Red thought I was not a virgin.
[02:28] <+Emily> Remember, a spanking is not about making her red. It's about making her SORRY.
[02:28] <+Emily> If she's not sorry yet, then you're not done spanking.
[02:29] <+Emily> Does that make sense?
[02:29] <sakura> Yup ^^
[02:29] <+Emily> Now, if she's really trying to put up a front, you can use leverage.
[02:30] <+Emily> In this case, for example, you could say "When you tie me up, that is a trust. And my impression was that it's a trust you could handle, because you care enough about me not to abuse that power."
[02:30] <+Emily> "Was I wrong about that?"
[02:30] <+Worslei> Godamnit, you scare me a lot now.
[02:30] <sakura> I'd be more scared she'd try to make me happy and overembelish it. :/
[02:31] <+Worslei> Not that
[02:31] <+Emily> You know her, saku. You'll know when she's really sorry.
[02:31] <+Emily> You might not need to hammer on the guilt buttons, but if you're trying to show her she did something wrong and she doesn't want to see it, then you fucking MAKE her see it.
[02:32] <+Emily> Same as she'd do for you when you do wrong, because she loves you.
[02:32] <sakura> I know she does ^^
[02:32] <+Emily> And when she makes you squirm and kick and cry and promise to be good forever, it's because you know you did wrong, right?
[02:32] <sakura> right ^^
[02:33] <+Emily> So, when she does something really over the line, like today, she deserves to learn just as well and just as deeply as you do.
[02:33] <+Emily> Which, in my experience, tends to call for a hairbrush.
[02:33] <+Emily> Though not always. I've had some spankees in tears after two strokes from my hand, because of how I prepared them verbally.
[02:33] <sakura> But I wouldnt want to make her cry for reals, just to make some noise at least
[02:34] <+Emily> Yeah, not every spanking has to be to tears.
[02:34] <sakura> and she did appologise alot before I even did >>;
[02:34] <&TimmyTheWiz> you are so subby, sae *hug*
[02:34] <+Emily> There's apologizing and apologizing.
[02:34] * sakura huggles Timmeh <3
[02:35] <+Emily> There's "I'm saying this because I'm supposed to so you'll feel better" and there's "I viscerally understand why what I did was wrong and I genuinely regret it."
[02:35] <sakura> It was the second one ^^
[02:35] <sakura> But really, I kept pouting about it... and she just wanted to make me feel better ^^;
[02:35] <+Emily> Ah, okay, then the spanking is mostly just underlining.
[02:35] <sakura> yeah heh ^^
[02:35] <+Emily> I've given underline spankings.
[02:36] <sakura> cheering up :P
[02:36] <+Worslei> Still, a brush. Just not as harsh as all that.
[02:36] <&TimmyTheWiz> The second one was a bitch of a thing learn to convey.
[02:36] <+Emily> That's "I know that you feel genuinely bad about it... and now I'm going to make sure you don't forget that feeling as soon as it's convenient."
[02:36] <sakura> lol
[02:36] <&TimmyTheWiz> those are fun ^^
[02:37] <+Emily> Yeah. What you're doing, mentally, is providing a multi-sensory reference point for an emotional state, and tying that association to a specific action or event.
[02:37] <+Emily> Why do you think spankers say "Maybe you'll think about THIS next time you're tempted to [fill in the blank]!"
[02:38] <sakura> ^^;
[02:38] <sakura> because they like to?
[02:39] <+Emily> Well, okay, it makes me wet.
[02:39] <+Worslei> XD
[02:39] <+Emily> But that's not the point!
Emily's spanking seminar
