The one sting to rule them all :: SpicyPepper

[KingCrowley]

Bilbo was outraged to find himself over Gandalf's lap, like he had when he was a very small Hobbit, though back then it had only taken ten smacks to get Bilbo sobbing, Gandalf had a large hand and Bilbo's bottom had been very small. But now he was grown, he was sure he could handle the pain, even if his bottom was still covered by Gandalf's hand. "I am NOT acting like one! You do not listen!" he snapped back at him and growled unhappily.

"Ow! Gandalf, stop that at ONCE!" He demanded, he'd stomp his hairy foot if he could, but alas that wasn't possible in that moment.


Thorin nodded his head when Kili explained that he was good and then went on to ask if there would be trolls and goblins along their journey. He rose a black brow and didn't interrupt as the younger Dwarf went on to ramble about him battling orcs and wargs when he was still only small. He smiled a little. "Aye, I did." he answered and sighed a bit, "There is nothing wrong with proving your worth in the face of danger. Purposely going and looking for danger is another matter entirely." he explained firmly. "And if I find that is indeed your intention on this journey, you can be very sure that you will not sit comfortably for a month, Kili." he warned.

He was not about to lose his nephew over some stupid desire to be glorious. He didn't want to lose his nephew at all. Looking for danger was not honourable, it was foolish.

[SpicyPepper]

“I can assure you, Bilbo, that I can hear you…you’ve been yelling at me this entire time so it’s hard not to hear you.” Gandalf simply said to the little hobbit.

“Bilbo Baggins.” Gandalf said sternly, adding just as stern a swat to the back of hobbit’s right thigh for emphasis. “You are not in a position to be demanding things, little one. “ Gandalf added the affectionate term to not make Bilbo feel patronized, but to rather show the fondness the wizard had for him. “I care for you, and I want you to make the best decisions you can make. For this journey that is a very important thing to do.”

The wizard gave him a few more swats, talking as he did so. “I will not have you making poor descisions, Bilbo, I didn’t let you when you were young, and I won’t start now.”

Kili would have been happy to go on with his ramble, even opening his mouth to continue to do so until Thorin began to speak. The younger eagerly nodded at the mention of being able to prove your worth when under attack, but frowned at the words of purposely looking for danger. “I wouldn’t do that, Uncle.” Kili chuckled some, trying to prove his point that even the thought of doing something like that was ridiculous.

“Oh come on, Uncle..” Kili sighed at the threat of not being able to sit for a month. “My intention for this journey is to help reclaim Erebor for us.” He said with confidence, as that is just what he planned to do.

“It’s just that…” Kili looked off far to the side, and innocent tactic he had done ever since he was small to make his eyes appear larger. “If there are trolls, goblins, or what have you…I won’t mind fighting them at all.”

[KingCrowley]

Bilbo sighed, "Okay, I am sorry for yelling, now may I please be stood on my own two feet? This is humiliating..." he answered hotly and gasped loudly and pained when Gandalf struck his right thigh, that really hurt. "Gandalf!" he snapped and sighed when he called him little one, had he not heard the fondness in his tone, he would have felt very belittled. "I never gave you reason to care for me, it's not something you're obligated to do." he answered with a shake of his head.

He started yelping and gasping as Gandalf rained down more swats. "G-Gandalf, it hurts, stop it please!" he pleaded, sounding less defiant now.

Thorin listened as young Kili explained that he had no desire to seek out danger for himself. "Well, I am glad to hear that, young one." he answered with a fond smile. Knowing Kili wasn't about to go gallivanting purposely into danger was a load off of his mind. He looked at him when he explained that if there were trolls or goblins, then he wouldn't mind fighting them all.

"I am sure you could, you are more than capable, but remember, we are all here with you and there is nothing you need to go through, alone." he explained.

[SpicyPepper]

“You cannot believe it was just yelling that got you over my lap, do you?” Gandalf said with a raised brow, though he knew Bilbo could not see it from his upended position.

“But I do care for you.” Gandalf rubbed his back a bit. “And caring for you is something I’m not going to stop doing for a long while.” He said with a shake of his head, bringing down the sharp smacks. When Bilbo pleaded with Gandalf to stop the wizard did, but only for a moment. A cool hand rested on the hobbit’s warm backside as he spoke. “Bilbo…I know this might be a difficult punishment to take, but I need to thoroughly understand that you understand in the way that I want you to understand…understand?” He asked in his wizarding way of his wording, Gandalf had always been quirky with words.

He rubbed the sting on Bilbo’s bottom a bit more before patting it. “So let us get this over with, shall we?” He said, bringing his hand down in firm smacks.

Kili sighed a bit when Thorin explained he didn’t have to go through anything alone. He wanted to prove himself worthy to be on the journey, a journey to reclaim a lost homeland that was lost to a firedrake from the north, a journey that would be filled with treacherous dangers, journey that held so much importance to his uncle that Kili wanted to prove himself that he deserved to be on such an important quest.

“I won’t disappoint you.” Kili said after a moment of silence. “I will make you proud and you won’t be embarrassed of me, I promise.” The younger dwarf had always been afraid of embarrassing his uncle in anyway; he had a tendency to be a little clumsy when he was littler and sometimes tripped while walking with Thorin in the market, and then crying and making a big scene from the small scrape on his arm or leg. Kili winced when thinking back, how embarrassed that Thorin might have been of his klutzy nephew, but not anymore. He would be a strong dwarf that his uncle would be proud of.

[KingCrowley]

Bilbo shrugged his shoulders unhappily when Gandalf asked him if he really believed that it was just yelling that got him over his lap. "Okay...perhaps I should not have called you a fool..." he admitted, though he didn't sound sorry for it or anything like that. He listened as Gandalf explained that he did care for him, and the Hobbit got a warm fuzzy feeling in his gut, he didn't know if he liked it or not.

"But you- OW!" Bilbo yelped when Gandalf started smacking his bottom again, and he wasn't being gentle either. Hobbit bottoms were very sensitive and even just one smack could make a Hobbit of five summers bawl like a new born. Bilbo felt some tears filling his eyes, he was sure his bottom must be at least a dark pink by now.

He groaned at the Wizard's words. "That is confusing and nonsense..." he answered and shook his head when Gandalf asked if they should get it over with, "I'd rather you not smack my bo- OWWW!" He yelped and kicked his legs.


Thorin looked at Kili confused when he said that he wouldn't disappoint him, and wouldn't make him embarrassed of him. He wasn't sure where that had come from. Thorin had never once been embarrassed by Kili, even when he was small and he would sob over small wounds, Thorin would tend to him and spin him yarns to cheer him up. He'd always loved and had always been very proud of his young Nephew.

"Kili, I am never embarrassed of you. Sometimes your behaviour embarrasses me, but that is a different matter. I am always proud of you, you are my Nephew and one day you will make a fine warrior for other Dwarvlings to look up to." he explained, putting a hand on his young shoulder. "Do you believe that you bring me ...shame?" he asked incredulously.

[SpicyPepper]

“Hmm.” Gandalf hummed in a low voice when Bilbo admitted he had called him a fool. The hobbit certainly didn’t sound sorry in anyway. But that didn’t bother him; the old wizard knew he would be sorry soon enough.

“My words can be confusing to some, but I seem to have developed an effective method in getting the message through to naughty hobbits.” The wizard said. “I know you do not enjoy this, Bilbo.” He continued. “But it seems to work wonders on attitudes and what have you.” His hand kept swatting down on the pink bottom before him, but he kept a gentle hand on Bilbo's back, not to hold him there essentially since it would be hard for the smaller hobbit to squirm off such a big lap, but to comfort him. Gandalf knew from past experience just how much Bilbo despised spankings.

“Now tell me, Bilbo…why are you over my lap receiving punishment?”

Kili did remember the times that he got hurt and his uncle would be there to comfort him and make him smile. It was only years later that Kili realized that Thorin might have been embarrassed whenever he would get just a little scrape and cry about it.

A large smile spread over his face when his uncle said that he could never be embarrassed of him, but his behavior. That was one thing the younger dwarf was happy to know he was wrong about. His chest puffed up a bit when he said that he would be a fine warrior and even dwarflings would look up to him.

He frowned when Thorin asked if he brought him shame. Sometimes when things were quiet and Kili had time to think, his mind began to wonder about certain things he wouldn’t normally think about, one of those things was if he brought his uncle shame. It was one of those things that Kili normally thought of course he couldn’t, but when those quiet times came he thought might be a possibility.

“I…no, Uncle…not anymore.” Kili said. “I mean…I would think of you without making and mistakes and being a perfect leader in every way…” He sighed. “But then there was me…the second heir, nothing like you in anyway…” The younger dwarf was silent for a moment before hurriedly assuring his uncle. “But now that you said you would never be embarrassed of me, I don’t think that anymore.”

[KingCrowley]

"I am not naughty, and I would thank you not to call me such." Bilbo answered, blushing at the very word. It made him feel very young again. "No, I do not enjoy it, so can you please just stop?!" he demanded and kicked his feet, tears stinging his eyes as Gandalf firmly slapped his little Hobbit bottom. He groaned when Gandalf asked him to explain why he was over his lap.

"Because you believe I acted childishly, and I cannot get down." he muttered unhappily, still kicking and squirming over the great Wizard's lap.


Thorin listened as Kili explained that he no longer believed he had brought his Uncle shame. "You are very much like me Kili, and you remind me so of when I was much younger, I would often feel the same." he explained and sat down on a rock. "However, that does not make what you thought right. Your thoughts are not justified and if you believed that to be the case, then I must teach you how much I am proud of you, and love you." he explained.

"Now you know what we must do, you must have a lasting reminder. Drop your leggings and lay over my lap, Kili." he ordered him firmly. "I shall not have you thinking such things again."

[SpicyPepper]

“I do not think it is up to you to judge if you are naughty or not, if it was up to the one being naughty to decide of course they wouldn’t think of themselves naughty so they wouldn’t get in trouble.” The wizard said. “Would you stop your bellowing?” Gandalf said in a calm voice when Bilbo told him to stop. “The others might hear and decide to enter the room…I do not think you would want that.”

“Because I believe? No, my dear friend, because you were.” Gandalf clarified at Bilbo’s words as to why he was over his lap. A small smile did appear over the wizard’s face when he mentioned that he could also not get down, he seemed to remember the same hobbit saying that a few times when he was a faunt and in the same position.

He leaned slightly over to check on his little hobbit friend and could see the sparkling tears in Bilbo’s eyes. Tears were a good indicator that they were getting somewhere, Gandalf always made sure there were tears to make sure the lesson was fully learned. He changed tactics slightly, going from smacking the fullest part of Bilbo’s pink bottom, to the sensitive undercurves where he knew he just might get a stronger reaction.

Kili’s brown eyes locked with Thorin’s blue ones when the older dwarf said that he was very much like him. It made his eyes sparkled with pride that his uncle would say that, Kili felt that it was a great honor to be told he was like Thorin.

His brow wrinkled when Thorin had told him he had once thought the same thing; how could Thorin bring anyone shame? His confusion only increased when his uncle sat down on the only rock around, leaving his sister-son to stand before him. He listened to his uncle’s words intently, teaching how much he is proud of him and loved him? That didn’t automatically sound good to the younger dwarf’s ears.

“W-What?” Kili sputtered at Thorin’s request of lowering his leggings and lying over his lap. “I do not need a reminder for not to think about something and you cannot spank me for it! That’s unfair!” The dwarf crossed his arms, and turned to look off to the far right, pretending that Thorin wasn’t there. Being spanked like a wayward dwarfling for something that was thought…Ha! His uncle must be joking, though it is in very poor taste Kili thought haughtily.

[KingCrowley]

Bilbo's eyes widened when Gandalf reminded him that too much noise could perhaps cause someone to enter the room and see what was happening. Imagining one of those ruffians seeing him bare bottomed over Gandalf's lap in tears, was just too much. He squirmed and kicked and sighed, ignoring Gandalf for the time being, though when the Wizard began spanking his under curves, he soon got his attention. "Owww!!!" Bilbo couldn't hold back anymore, the tears went sliding down his red face.

"Gandaaaalf!" he whined and squirmed, "I am sorry! I am sorry for what I said and the way I acted! Please, forgiveness Owwwwww!!!!" he pleaded.


Thorin looked at Kili when he seemed to sputter and become immediately embarrassed. "Kili-" he started to say but then the Dwarf went on to tell Thorin that he didn't need a reminder and he could not spank him for it. He rose a brow in disbelief. "You seem to be mistaken Kili, because I can in fact spank you for something like this. You were thinking derogatory thoughts on yourself, and that, I cannot allow." he explained firmly. "Now you have but mere seconds to obey my command or I shall cut a switch and it will be much worse." he warned, his tone stern and his eyes steely.

There was no joke implied in his words, oh no. Kili was in trouble.

[SpicyPepper]

Listening to the cries and yelps of pain was always hard for the old wizard to hear, he never liked hurting anyone like this, but he knew with a heavy heart that it was necessary. He could see the tears glistening down the hobbit’s now red little face, giving him an appearance of a much younger Bilbo.

When a sob filled genuine apology came from Bilbo’s mouth that’s when Gandalf knew the little hobbit had reached his limit. The smacks stopped and Gandalf allowed Bilbo to catch his breath for a bit as he brushed a hand up and down his heaving back. Then with gentle hands the wizard eased Bilbo into his arms, careful of his still bare and hot bottom. He cuddled Bilbo close, rubbing his back, soothing him as best as he could.

“Shh… I forgive you, Little one…” He said in a kind voice as an equally kind hand brushed a few honey curls from the hobbit’s face.

“B-But I…” He tried to defend himself further before Thorin explained that he was going to get a spanking for thinking of derogatory thoughts of himself. He certainly did remember how stern Thorin could be with thinking ill of oneself, the older dwarf never approved of Kili calling himself stupid for dropping his sword during training or tripping to the ground. Those always ended with a conversation and a lasting ‘reminder’ that he was not stupid. The conversation right now was eerily familiar.

Kili’s breath hitched at the word of a switch being cut. “Y..You…no, uncle, please.” He clasped his hands together and begged with the eyes of a small dwarfling. He knew if he didn’t obey that Thorin would go through with his plan, and it indeed would be much worse. After a moment of self-deliberation, the younger dwarf softly sighed, slowly undoing the braces for his trousers and lowering them. He carefully laid himself down over his uncle’s lap, squirming uncomfortably and painfully familiar position.

“Uncle…” Kili began in a small voice. “Must you do this? I know that we both won’t enjoy it..”