Lessons In Being A Father (with Forgetiwashere)

[gutterpupper]

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

The words escaped in a moody drawl from his daughter's mouth as she looked up at him, her pouty lips and big eyes sucking the life straight out of him.

"I know sweetheart. As soon as the doctor has checked you over and made sure everything is okay we'll go home and get something for lunch. Promise." He gave his best smile in return but it didn’t stop those glittering eyes from boring into his chest.

Things had been tough for the both of them over the last month. Both of them had lost Hannah, his daughter’s mother and Sebastian’s best friend after a fatal car accident when she was returning from work. The only woman Sebastian had slept with. THe woman he got pregnant with they were both eighteen. The woman whom everyone said he had fucked over when they both agreed that Hannah should have sole custody over Mollie.

People can say what they want. Both Hannah and Mollie were better of without him.

Social services decided the next best thing for Mollie was to live with her biological father, that being him. At the age of 23, no college degree or qualification and living on minimum wage, he was already struggling. And now, he was a full time parent. Something he wasn’t ready for. Sure he was still in Mollie’s life, seeing her a few times a month when he and Hannah got together to chat and he was grateful she still wanted him to be in her and Mollie’s life in a way, but he didn’t have it in him to be a father. He didn’t know how to be. His own father wasn’t the best example for him to follow.

“Daddy,” Mollie whined again, tugging at his jeans, pushing her wild curly locks away from her face as she looked up at him. “When can we go?”

“Mr Andrews?” A nurse from the reception stood up and called his name. “Room 8 is ready for you.”

“Thank you,” he responded politely as he lifted Mollie up and carried her towards the instructed room. “Won’t be long sweetheart.”

As part of the conditions to keep custody of Mollie (away from Hannah’s disapproving parents who were considering fighting to take custody from him) Mollie was to have regular check ups with a physician to make sure she was healthy and well looked after. It was difficult doing this, like his whole ability of being a parent was being tested and scrutinized with a fine tooth comb. It was awkward enough when the social work would send him out of the room so he could ask Mollie questions to make sure she was in no harm or danger.

They had already seen Dr Collins a couple of times and she seemed to be quite pleased with what she saw which made things a little easier for him. He was worried last week when he took her in with a scrape on her knee. He had fussed over the accident more than the doctor had, worried that they might thing he was little her getting into fights or run wild or something ridiculous. He’d read too many horror stories online.
He knocked on the door of room eight waiting to hear the friendly tone of Dr Collins, only this time, it wasn't her voice he heard.

It was someone else.

[Forgetiwashere]

"Just a sec!" Came the reply, via the slightly rushed voice of Scott Reeds. He had been working at the practice for around six weeks at this point, enough for him to feel comfortable. He was eager to succeed at the job and get his life back on it's feet, no matter how long it took. The office frequently worked with people currently under the watch or care for the state, which made the patients somewhat delicate, but he could relate to them on some levels and worked with people well. He was comfortable. Not comfortable enough, however, for his boss to leave him on such short notice with appointments to conduct unsupervised. When he told them he was good under stress in the interview, this was not what he meant at all.

Scott tossed the disinfectant wipe he'd been using to clean off the exam table in the trash a moment later on his way to open the door.

"Hi guys, come on in." He said as he stepped back from the doorway both to let the pair enter the room and to grab his clipboard. He'd already read over the files for all his patients of the day, but he liked to glance at it while examining the patient, insuring everything was the same and getting a refresher on why they were here.

"So, you are..." He dragged the sound out, scanning the page, flipping one. "Mr. Andrews? So you must be Miss Mollie. That's a very pretty name." He added warmly, smiling down at Mollie. "Doctor Collins is at a conference this weekend, so I'm going to be looking after you today as long as that's okay. Call me Scott."

[gutterpupper]

Sebastian entered the tool cautiously, Mollie peering over her shoulder in his arms. The physician was not the one he expected, or was use to. This person was new.

'It will be fine.'

He reassured himself mentally as he stepped inside and closed the door and put Mollie down. She clung to his side, shying away from the friendly doctor. Friendly and handsome. He pushed out a smile, trying to work some confidence out as he responded.

“She's a bit shy around new people,” Sebastian informed as he bent down to Mollie's level. “It's okay sweetie. Dr Reed-” he corrected himself as the title did sound formal, “Scott is just standing in for Sarah. He is helping her out. Why don't you say hello?”

The young girl still looked unsure as she looked up to Scott where he stood. “Hello,” she said softly.

In honesty, Sebastian was just as nervous as she was but for different reasons. He had done a lot of talking with Dr Collins about his predicament, his concerns and fears. She had offered him counselling and therapy to help him get support and suggests a few groups that he could attend. Truth be, Sebastian didn't have the time nor the money to get involved. But her lended ear did help him get some of the weight off his shoulders.

Scott didn't seem like a bad guy. But he was judging purely on introductions and good looks alone here. Sebastian had no idea if the man had read any of the history around Mollie or if his examinations would result in the same as Dr Collins or a referral to social services, something that he didn't need.

“She's just here for a routine checkup,” he finally spoke, pushing his concerns aside for long enough. “Part of the custody agreement.” He assumed the Scott would at least know the basics from the file notes Dr Collins would have kept. He was reluctant to let too much information out to a stranger, no matter how nice they seemed.

'Keep it simple, basic and calm. He might be good-looking but he's just a doctor. Mollie is what's important here, not your non-existant love life.'

[Forgetiwashere]

"Ahh, that's okay. I'm nervous around new people too." Scott chuckled, crouching so he was closer to her height, knowing his slightly towering height of 6'2" could be intimidating to a child. "Hello Mollie. It's nice to meet you. Promise, I'm not gonna do anything different from you other appointments." He lowered his voice as if sharing a great secret. "Other than let you dive into my secret candy stash when we're done here."

He winked, standing straight again.

"Yep, shouldn't take long at all. Once she feels ready we'll have her hop up on the table, make sure there's no injuries or abnormalities. I'd like to take a look at the knee she scraped last week, make sure it's healing right." He rattled off, setting the clipboard down and grabbing the back of the office chair, wheeling it over and gesturing for Sebastian to take a seat, he himself leaning on the counter.

"Any issues got you worried? Sorry throat, lack of appetite, general concern?"

[gutterpupper]

The only answer the father could give was a shrug. “She's eating better and her tantrums have died a bit. I think she's getting use to me being around,” he said, speaking as if he was a burden on her. “It's been tough for both of us, adjusting our whole lives to the changes but I think we're getting by.” He have another shrug, looking at Scott, trying to read the motion on his face to see if he could trust him.

Picking Mollie up and sitting her on the examination table, he gave her a warm smile. “Scott here is going to examine you now honey. Daddy will be over here,” he reassured. Stepping back, Sebastian allowed Scott to do whatever he needed to do. “So, I haven't seen you around. Are you a new doctor?” he asked, trying to be friendly as he pushed the nerves of the appointment down into the depths of his stomach. Mollie was fine. There had been a few issues this week, a couple of reports from school but the girl was probably still adjusting from the loss of her primary parent and lumped with a loser like Sebastian for a father.

All they had to do is get through the appointment without any troubles and no referrals and they'd be off home again.

[Forgetiwashere]

"That's good. Generally we expect about a year before kids really start adjusting. " Scott hummed, scribbling on the clipboard. His brows raised, glancing at Sebastian. "I'm sure she's glad her dad's around, in this situation or otherwise." He pointed out, more a statement than a suggestion. His boss had warned him Sebastian was having some problems adjusting himself, trying to insure her assistant would be sympathetic, and he was. Scott wouldn't have a good looking guy putting himself down in his exam room, however.

He checked her heart rate, writing it down and moving on.

"Yeah, I've been here... around a month and a half, but they hardly give you any hours at first. I just started working weekends this week." He flashed a broad smile. "I promise, your in good hands. I have all my qualifications, and I follow the same criteria as Dr. Collins for the appointments. I just don't have the license to work on my own." He shrugged. "How's dad doing? Any issues on your part?"

[gutterpupper]

‘Well, I’m on minimum wage, trying to support my daughter and pay for all the things her mother gave her and I can’t afford it and I’m terrified my kid is going to hate me for being the worst dad in the world, that’s just one thing…’

“Just, trying to get by,” he shrugged, trying to fake a laugh as he scrubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t going to be that honest with this stranger, assistant physician or whatever. He was nice to look at but that didn’t mean he had to spill his guts for someone just doing their job that he’d probably never see again.

Without any warning, there was a cry from the young girl sitting on the table. Sebastian hadn’t been paying enough attention to notice that she had been uncomfortable. She had a tendancy to burst into tears around strangers. It took her a while to get used to Dr Collins and he’d seen the woman so many times he had forgotten about it.

“I want my mommy!”

‘Oh no...’

Pushing past Scott, interrupting whatever examination he was in the middle of, Sebastian picked Mollie up into his arms and started to soothe her, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay sweetie, Daddy’s here.” He found himself going into panic mode, his eyes widdening as his heart raced. He could see Scott looking back at him and all he could think about was what the man may have been thinking. Could he be judging him now, as everyone else did?

Seb? The boy that knocked up and ruined Hannah’s life?

He didn't deserve her. He’s a trouble maker, just like his dad.

Scruffy boy, he never helped her out and left her to raise their daughter on her own.

What did she ever see in him?

That poor child stuck with him as a father.

Sebastian mind filled with negative comments and thoughts and suddenly he was applying them now as if Scott was speaking them to him. Even though the man had not said a thing, he had convinced himself that the physician would be judging him behind those eyes.

“Um, thanks for checking her over. I’m sure she’s fine. I’m sorry, I need tog et Mollie home. I’ll just see Dr Collins whenever she’s…” he trailed off as he blindly reached for the door handle, crying Mollie in one arm and making a beeline for the exit, Mollie sobbing into the crook of his neck. He didn't look at anyone in the reception, he couldn’t face any more judging glares.

“It’s fine, sweetheart, we’re going home now,” he said as he placed her in the back of his will-driven car, buckling her into the booster seat. He passed her the cuddly tiger that she had decided upon as her favorite to try and settle her, wiping the tears from her eyes and doing his best not to start a stream of his own.

‘I can’t do this on my own, Hannah, he mentally cried. But he had to be strong for her, for Mollie. She was what was important now.

Getting into the front and taking three attempts to start the car, it only dawned at that moment that Mollie’s backpack wasn’t on the seat. He had taken it in with him in case she needed a drink or any of her crayons to color something in while they waited for her to be called. He must have left it in with Dr Reeds.

“I can’t go back in,” he muttered as he rested his head on the steering wheel, thinking of those beautiful eyes looking at him in such a disappointed manner. No, there was no choice but to go home and he’d pick it up when the other doctor had returned.