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FlightoftheHydra · June 28th, 2017, 06:42 AM

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while the doctor lifted the new born by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Spank him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

---------- Post added at 06:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:24 AM ----------

Little Johnny is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Dad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later. "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!"

Five minutes later. "Daaa-aaad..." "WHAT?" "When you come in to spank me can you bring me a drink of water?"

---------- Post added at 06:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:24 AM ----------

A little girl was running home when she collided with an older woman who asked why she was in such a hurry.

"I got to get home so my mother can spank me," the girl panted.

"I can't understand why you're in such a hurry for your mother to spank you," said the old woman.

"I'm not. But if I don't get home before my father does he's going to give me the spanking!"

---------- Post added at 07:28 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 AM ----------

A little girl goes to school and tells her teacher that her mother had spanked her. The teacher immediately notifies the guidance counselor who in turn calls the mother in for a conference. When the mother arrives the counselor goes into detail how studies have proven that spanking lowers IQ and causes learning disabilities. The mother smirked, "Well, I guess the parents involved in that study were spanking the wrong end weren't they?"

---------- Post added at 09:53 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:28 AM ----------

A woman comes home with two big identical wooden spoons and calls her children over to her. She then explains that one spoon is for punishment and the other is for reward. One of the children ask, "What's the punishment?" "A spanking," says the mother. Another child ask, "What's the reward?" "Ice cream," replies the woman. The youngest of the children shakes his head. "No mama, that's all wrong. The one for ice cream should be bigger and the one for spanking should be smaller!"

---------- Post added at 10:51 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:53 AM ----------

Two women were having a conversation about spanking. One was antispanking and the other was prospanking.

The antispanker: I don't see anything good that comes from spanking.

The prospanker: I wouldn't say that. I was spanked with a spatula and now I love to cook. My husband was spanked with a switch and now he loves to garden. See? Spanking isn't so bad. You can get a hobby from it.

---------- Post added at 11:47 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:51 AM ----------

A woman has a spanking fetish and wants to roleplay with her husband, but he's not really into it. He reluctantly agrees to make his wife happy.

The woman: Come here
The husband: Why?
The woman: Because I'm going to spank you
The husband: Well, I'm not going over there then
The woman: Get over here and pull down your pants
The husband: Why do I have to pull down my pants? Are you gonna blow me before you spank me?
The woman: NO! I'm not going to blow you
The husband: Well...then you're not going to spank me

---------- Post added at 12:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:47 AM ----------

A boy has a crush on a girl in his class. One morning she comes in the classroom holding her thumb with tears in her eyes. "What's wrong?" he ask. "I was leaving home this morning and slammed my thumb in the door." The boy says, "Let me kiss it and make it better." So he does. The girl smiles and says, "My mother spanked me last night, do you wanna kiss my butt too?"

---------- Post added at 01:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:23 PM ----------

A judge has had a long day in court when they call the next case. A woman approaches the bench crying hysterically. Her lawyer speaks up on her behalf saying she suffered physical and emotional abuse as a child. The judge asks what happened? Her lawyer says, "she was spanked a couple times as a child." The judge takes off his glasses and rubs his forehead. Then the judge says, "Ma'am, are you sure you want to use this defense in order to get out of a parking ticket?"

---------- Post added at 11:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:51 PM ----------

A little boy wasn't getting good grades in school. One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you Mrs. Smith, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades somebody is going to get a spanking!"

---------- Post added at 11:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:05 PM ----------

Little Tommy was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around little Billy. Tommy walks up to Billy and says, "Hey what's all the excitement about?" Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch." Tommy goes "Wow that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Billy says, "Well I walked in on my parents having sex and my dad was so mad he gave me a spanking and sent me to my room." The next day he felt guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool watch. This gives Tommy a good idea. Later that night when Tommy was sent to bed he stayed up listening and waiting for his parents to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open and yells, "I WANT A WATCH!" His dad looks over to Tommy and says, "OK, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"

---------- Post added at 03:01 AM ---------- Previous post was Yesterday at 11:44 PM ----------

A woman takes her daughter to the mall to see Santa. When it was the little girls turn to sit on his lap the little girl kicks him in the shin as hard as she can and says, "That's for bringing my mother that set of wooden spoons last Christmas!" Then she kicks him in the other leg and says, "That's for whatever shenanigans you got up your sleeve for this year."

---------- Post added at 03:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:01 AM ----------

A little girl gets in trouble with her mother and is sent to her room. She frantically starts stuffing all her teddy bears under her bed. When her mother enters she ask her daughter what is she doing. The little girl says, "I'm hiding all my Teddy's because you said you were going to spank my bears butt."

---------- Post added at 05:08 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:49 AM ----------

An 11 year old girl asks her mother why does she still get spankings and all her friends get restriction. The mother replies, "restriction is too easy and I know you hate spankings." The girl thinks for a minute and says, "I don't hate everything about spankings." The mother says, "Oh really, what part do you like?" The little girl smirks, "being naughty enough to earn one."

---------- Post added at 06:05 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:08 AM ----------

A young goth girl asks her mother if she can go see the rock band the Genitorturers, explaining that she wants to get spanked on stage, an act the band is notorious for. The mother says, "I don't know? All the sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Tell you what. If you want to hang out with a bunch of drunks and get a spanking, why don't you hang out with your father and his friends this weekend?"

---------- Post added at 06:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:05 AM ----------

A young girl takes an interest in art and starts drawing Spanking Anime. She completes her first serious drawing and takes it to show her mother. Her mother looks at it and starts laughing. Then she says, "if I were to tear your ass up one good time you wouldn't draw these kind of pictures anymore!"

FlightoftheHydra · June 30th, 2017, 12:31 AM

A mother asked her daughter to pick up her toys off the floor because it's "clean up time." The little girl says, "I have "play time", "TV time", "nap time", "quiet time", and now it's "clean up time." When do I get "allowance time?" Her mother says, "I'm not going to pay you to pick up your toys and if you don't pick them up you're going to get "hand and hiney time!"

A little boy is sitting in Sunday school and the teacher is explaining to the children that their body is a temple. The little boy raises his hand and says, "I don't think my body is a temple, it's more like a house." "Why do you say that?", asked his teacher. The little boy says, "because my grandmother is always threatening to paint my back porch red!"

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist and the more she talked, the more the psychiatrist insisted that she just needs a good spanking. The woman feeling embarrassed says, "Dr. Isn't all this spanking talk highly unorthodox?" The psychiatrist replies, "Well, some follow Jung, some follow Freud, I am a DeSade man myself. Now...how about that spanking?"

A mother threatens her teenage daughter with a spanking. The teen snaps back, "it'll be a cold day in hell before you ever spank me again!" The mother says, "after I beat your ass I want you to build me a snowman."

A girl has a friend who likes to play spanking games. One day she was in the bathroom stuffing magazines down her pants when her brother saw her. He said, "what are you doing, you're not in trouble?" The girl says, "yeah, I know, I'm just going down the street to play with Sarah."

A woman gets a call from the school nurse saying that her three children are slightly underweight; and offering assistance with food. The woman responds, "food isn't the problem. I can't cook." "Do you need to take cooking classes?", replies the nurse. "No!", says the mother. "I can't cook because my children keep hiding all the cooking utensils!"

**lonewolf86** · June 30th, 2017, 01:25 AM

Some pretty funny jokes in there. I have one to add. I made it up myself

Q: What is a spanker's favorite type of music?
A: Whap

FlightoftheHydra · July 1st, 2017, 04:58 AM

A mother takes her daughter out of church for misbehaving and finds a bathroom. "Give me your shoe!", demands her mother. "What?" "Give me your shoe!" The girl hands her mother her shoe. "Pull down your pants and bend over!", the girl complies and her mother spanks her. Afterwards the girl thinks to herself, "Thank God I was wearing loafers instead of heels or that would have been a completely different kind of spanking."

I hate it when I'm spanking a girl and she starts using dirty four letter words like, "Don't", "Stop", and "Quit"

A fourteen year old girl sits her parents down for a talk. She says, "you know....most people would say it's very inappropriate for you to make me pull my pants down for a spanking at my age." Her father looks at her and says, "yeah....but we live in West Virginia and you're lucky I haven't gotten you pregnant by now!"

A woman tells her son to go outside and cut a switch. Then she tells him to go to his room and wait for her. Then she tells him to drop his drawers and lean over the bed. Then she instructs him to count each lick she gives him. Then she tells him when the spanking is over he is to pull up his pants and go stand in the corner. He finally says, "Good grief, since I have to do everything I might as well spank myself too!"

---------- Post added at 04:58 AM ---------- Previous post was Yesterday at 11:06 PM ----------

A boy and girl were talking to their dad over dinner. The little boy says, "you know dad, belts are made to hold up your pants." The little girl says, "fly swatters are for killing flies." The little boy adds, "switches are made to display leaves on a tree." The little girl says, "rulers are made for measuring." They both give their dad a wink. He replies, "I couldn't agree more. It's a good thing I have a friend who makes paddles specifically designed for spanking children." Wink wink.

A little girl was getting sassy with her mother. After about the third smart comment her mother placed a chair in the corner and told her daughter she'll have to sit in the chair for five minutes as punishment. The little girl said, "Really? That's it?" Then her mother smiled and said, "No! Not really. When I get done with you, you won't be able to sit down at all!"

Little Sally's mother had a system worked out when she and her daughter were out in public. If her daughter was misbehaving they would go to the bathroom for a spanking; but if her daughter had to go to the bathroom they would find a restroom. One day Sally was misbehaving and her mother asked, "do you want to take a trip to the bathroom?" Sally said, "No! But I'll take a trip to the restroom with you because I gotta pee."

**Frame_J** · July 1st, 2017, 06:46 AM

One day mom finds little Timmy crying and asks why

"Dad hit his thumb with the hammer while putting up a picture"

"Aw, but Timmy, that's no reason to be sad. If anything, you should have laughed!" answered mom.

Timmy proceeds to rub his bottom "I DID laugh at first"

FlightoftheHydra · July 2nd, 2017, 03:53 AM

A woman wanted her boyfriend to spank her and he wanted to try it too. Seductively she lowers her jeans and lays across his lap. A little light slap, then another one, and another one. Then he says, "all done, did you learn your lesson?" She stands up, pulls up her pants and says, "Yeah, I learned my lesson. And the lesson is that your father, brother, cousin, and best friend are better at this spanking thing than you are!"

---------- Post added at 03:53 AM ---------- Previous post was Yesterday at 11:05 PM ----------

It had been years since Amanda had spanked her son but lately his behavior warranted a good old fashioned OTK bare bottom spanking. She spanked him and afterwards she felt guilty. So she said, "Wanna go to the strip club, all drinks are on me!"

FlightoftheHydra · July 12th, 2017, 03:32 PM

Monica bought a new pair of jeans that locked in the front. She gave her friend Amber the key. When Monica's mother went to spank her she couldn't pull down her pants. When her mother asked where is the key? Monica said, "Amber has it and she'll give it to you for twenty dollars." Monica's mother called Amber's mother and said, "can I spank your daughter for $20.00?

---------- Post added at 01:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:03 AM ----------

A little girl got out the shower and her dad popped her bare bottom lightly twice. When she asked why? Her father said, "you have a cute butt!" A few minutes later Dad came out the shower and the little girl raised her hand but refrained. When her dad asked why, the little girl said, "it's so hairy, stinky, and disgusting I'll let mom do it!"

---------- Post added at 01:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:18 AM ----------

When I started my job at the store I put up two signs for parents. "We have two punishment facilities, a bathroom for spanking and a chair in the corner for timeout. Three days later my boss comes to me and says, "Grab the oil can one of your punishment facilities needs oil!" So I immediately start oiling the bathroom door. My boss comes over to me and says, "what are you doing? The bathroom door is fine the timeout chair is driving everyone crazy!"

Written to the tune of Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt

---------- Post added at 02:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:47 PM ----------

A 14 year old girl comes home from school and tells her mother, "today in school we watched a video about lions in Tanzania! They're eating people!" Her mother says, "Well, I got a call from your father and he said you and your friends were throwing rocks at cars and you're getting a spanking!" When her mother reaches to pull down her panties the teen yells STOP! "Didn't you hear me?,the cats are going crazy, be careful or my kitty might bite your hand off!"

Written to the tune of It Takes A Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back by Public Enemy

---------- Post added at 02:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:12 PM ----------

A little girl goes into a medical shop and sees a doll she likes. The shop owner tells her she wouldn't like it because the doll stops breathing and you have to spank her to get her breathing again. The little girl says, "I want it and if you don't sell it to me I'm gonna kick you in the balls until you lose breath and I'm not gonna spank you back to life!"

Written to the tune of Walking with a Panther by LL Cool J
We're dropping them!

---------- Post added at 03:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:34 PM ----------

Morgan's daughter was overweight. They tried every diet, every pill, every plan. One day her mother says, "I'm going old school on you." She cuts a switch and says, "RUN! If I catch you I'm going to whip you with it." I'm not sure if this tactic works but Morgan's daughter just won the State Championship for cross country running.

Written to the tune of Life is....Too Short by Too Short