Penitence Day - Interactive Fiction

[Theodscipe]

Hi all! I've been lurking on this forum for years, but I finally got around to completing my first interactive story in Twine! It's an M/m story set in a monastery. It's fairly short, but there are a number of paths you can take, with the 'ending' determined by how red your bottom is by the end!

I'd love feedback on the story so far, on where you might like it to go, and in particular on my use of Twine - this is my first time really spending any time with it, so I'm sure there are tons of features I'm not using.

Download here

[Eurus]

That's a fun little story! It looks like you've got the basics down pretty well. Branching paths, using simple variables to track which paths you've taken and alter the text, that's the basics of Twine right there. There are definitely a ton of features that can make things prettier or more "interactive", but they're certainly not necessary, especially for a relatively straightforward story like this.

Hmm, thoughts... I couldn't quite tell what the aesthetic was supposed to be. Are these fellas medieval European style monks, or D&D/Shaolin style monks, or some combination? A bit more description of the order and how it works might help set the scene!

For further additions, a scene where you have the choice to tattle on another novice for something might be fun.

[Theodscipe]

Thank you, that's really helpful feedback! I could definitely do a little more scene-setting. In my mind they're DnD-style monks. And thanks for the tattling idea