Trying to get a spanking - causing a rift?

[seastone]

Hi everyone,
Seeking some advice here.

I like to say cheeky and bratty things to coax a spanking out of my lover. Sometimes it works which reinforces my behavior. But sometimes he's not feeling it but I can't seem to stop at these times! It becomes annoying to him and I think he now sees me as a bratty or unkind person, which I really don't think I am at heart. I'm just hardwired to want a beating, so I keep trying even when all signs point to "NOT NOW".

Has anyone had a similar situation? Any advice on how to tone down the brattiness at will? I want to be able to turn it off if he's not feeling it, so I don't cause a rift in our otherwise awesome relationship.

Thanks!

[Emily]

Set up a list of specific rules that you will get spanked if you break. That way, it gives you a specific, controlled ways to be bratty and ask for a spanking, without having to be unpleasant in order to do it. For example, you might have a rule saying that you'll make your bed every day; unmade bed means a warm bottom. And so on in that fashion.

[Ellen]

I would start with trying to do it conciously. Looking at what you are doing and the signals he is sending. So you can actively see what you are doing and then begin to tone it down.

In the long term maybe it would be worth it to talk with him about your relationship and how spankings work into it. And what would be a good way to "ask" for them. If he wants to be in a disciplinary role or if you would be better of suggesting it more clearly. Stuff like that. Might help if it is a real problem.

[Madcat]

If your behavior and antics are causing a problem in your relationship, you need to work that out before you start looking for other ways to engage your fetish. Maybe he just isn't into it that much, maybe he sees it as a bedroom-only activity, maybe he's got some personal issues with the concept in general, I don't know, but you need to work out what's going on there.

As for turning the brattiness down? Uh... don't do it? Act like an adult? I mean, you obviously know what you're doing when you're being a brat as it seems its a conscious decision to act a certain way so... don't act that way?

[Arenor]

Definitely talk it out. Have a serious, adult conversation with him where you explain what you actually want and how that ties into your behavior. Dropping hints isn't always the best way to go about things, especially if it's already causing issues between you guys. Maybe it's best to ask for a spanking if you feel like you need one instead of acting out in order to get it. If that's part of the fun for you, it's possible to arrange it like a roleplay so that he won't feel you're really that kind of person. Either way communication is seriously the key here.

[seastone]

Thanks guys! You're all right of course. I tend to be bratty without noticing at first so I will try to be more mindful about it. We've actually talked about it a lot in the past, but since he is not naturally predisposed to punish, it has been an uphill struggle to work it into our relationship. He IS happy to do it but not as often as I would like. :P
Anyway thanks again, good advice from all.