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After the internet demons ate my original post of WhacksWorks that I enter for the game jam, I planned on re-uploading it. But, as I re-read it, small errors popped out at me. As they say, "No artist is ever truly happy with his work. So I decided to fix the little nit-picks that bothered me, as well as do some enhancements that I had thought of after I uploaded the first version. So I am proud to present:
This is a TWINE built game set in a wax museum. I know what you're thinking, "What could possibly happen/go wrong in a wax museum?". Play along and find out. One note: although the dom variables are in place, that side of the story is not done yet. I will post the complete story when that is finished. At the time of the game jam deadline, I knew would not have it finished, so I put all my effort into the sub side.
Finally a big thank-you to Godspeak, victormammoth, & Zekel Being able to look "under the hood" at your TWINE games helped me learn TWINE far more easily than the online guides did. I do better seeing how some thing works than being told how it works.
---------- Post added at 11:45 AM ---------- Previous post was Yesterday at 04:42 PM ----------
Yeah! It showed up this time. Please try it and leave feedback. I am always trying to improve my creations. In fact, while waiting for this to post, I thought of a change I need to make.
I really liked this game, especially the unique little profile pictures with the descriptions. Even though this one was short I did really like what was there. Although one thing I have to add is that if you're going to color code character's dialogue why not make the MC's a color as well? Just to help it be slightly more legible.
I really liked this game, especially the unique little profile pictures with the descriptions. Even though this one was short I did really like what was there. Although one thing I have to add is that if you're going to color code character's dialogue why not make the MC's a color as well? Just to help it be slightly more legible.
I agree and plan on doing it in one of the updates.
I've started playing it, and one thing that jobs out to me is that the dialogue is formatted in a rather unclear manner. In particular, anytime you change who is speaking, you should start a new paragraph.
For example, instead of writing:
"Hello my name is Annie," said the cute girl. "Oh yeah, well my name is Annabelle, and it's better," said the other cute girl.
Write:
"Hello my name is Annie," said the cute girl.
"Oh yeah, well my name is Annabelle, and it's better," said the other cute girl.
This tends to make things much more legible, and means you won't need to color people's dialogue.
It's also not unusual to have dialogue sandwiching prose, so long as it's from the same person. For example:
"Girls, what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Really now you've only known each other five minutes."
I personally tend to avoid "doubledeckers." So instead of writing:
"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes." She walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat.
I might write:
"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes."
The woman walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat.
Or even better, toss a bit of dialogue from someone else in between:
"Girls what's all the fuss?" A tall woman walked into the room and put her hands on her hips. "Reallly now, you've only known each other for five minutes."
"She said my name is crappy!" said Annie pointing at Annabelle. "She's a jerk!"
The tall woman walked over and gave first Annabelle, then Annie a sharp swat to the seat.
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Author of The Scandalous Scarlet Moon, and Scarlet Moon 2: Eclipse Rising, text-based superhero(ine) spanking RPGs found at spankingrpgs.com
really cute. nice idea of the museum and the many variations.
I also like aka I think that putting it in prose would be better. but even so it's fine.
it would be nice to also add themed scenes, mom, babysitter, doctor.
meanwhile, I congratulate you, I like it very much.
Loved the little pop culture references, as an avid "Army of Darkness" fan that witch spell seemed familiar (yeah I know the "spell" comes from another movie, but I first heard it there).
Loved also the simple gameplay, with clear choices and actions.
I suggest to do "chapters" so after the initial "who am I" questions we get to choose where to start:
- if we choose chapter one (this one) we get this game and then continue with the rest of the chapters
- if we choose another chapter we get to choose what ending we got in the earlier chapters, we start directly from it and then continue with the rest of the chapters
So no need to enable a saving mechanic!
I can see that this system may get complicated as the game becomes more complex. Take these suggestions with a pinch of salt.
Can't wait for more, I loved
the apprentice ending
and can't wait to explore the game more.
For what I saw, the 3 endings are quite different:
A- the "ignorance is bliss" is the saddest ending, but opens up for more scenes in the other museums, with different "spankubuses"
Possibilities: wax scenes and succubs scenes
B- the apprentice ending is what I'd love to see more, for your sanity I suggest to just give our hero errands in the other museums to replicate the scenes added for the "ignorance" ending, adding spice with scenes with Mabel and/or other characters.
This ending also gives us the possibility to try out some "specific behaviour settings" with the wax spankers, like the "resist" option without enabling the dom ending or a "super demonic doom mode" when things go wrong.
To be honest, I'm looking forward for scenes with some "double spankings" where Mabel (or a wax spanker or someone else) and another one (wax spanker, succubs, anyone) spank us together or a "all in scene" where everyone (every wax spanker) play together, interacting with each other and spanking (the MC) together.
Oh and what about that "cousin" Mabel speaks of? I'd love some scenes with her too, double the succubs, double the fun! Maybe let her become an apprentice too, with "spanking rights" since she is family but both have to be sure to not "overdo" since Mabel may become jealous.
Double spankings? watching some scenes where the cousin get spanked? tease her to develop a relationship and get both in trouble (yes I'd love some teasing for spanking options).
So much possibilities: wax, Mabel, cousin, other succubs!
C- I can't really say anything for dom mode, maybe going around closing the museums with Seline? But of course the hero need to learn his enemy so he has to try the museums a few times (so the same scenes for the "ignorance ending") and then surprise the owner
Possibilities: wax scenes, succubs scenes and of course scenes with Seline
Anyway, enough rambling for today.
P.S.: I'm joking, here a new idea: scenes "out of the museum" with the characters... maybe even in public!
First off, thanks to everyone who has commented on this game. I do read your replies and try to use them to improve the final version.
aka - I agree that the dialog is clunky in spots and I am in the process of trying to clean/clear it up. Some of this stems from this is my first serious attempt with TWINE, and my previous engine of choice was RPG Maker - where this sort of dialog was the norm.
milf - you have no idea how many ideas /scenarios for this game are currently under consideration.
Monello - I will try to improve the story flow, and yes, more exhibits are planned.
42idiot - glad you liked it. Yes at some point I will get around to implementing a save function for this. The version you are playing is basically a cleaned up version of what I submitted for the contest(that went missing.) More episodes are planned. As for Seline and the other locations - wait and see....
WhacksWorks
