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**Dariachick** · June 6th, 2008, 01:44 AM

Ok, I am definitely one who likes to be spanked but I dont like asking for one. Has anyone else had this conundrum? Or conversely for any of the Spankers have you ever not noticed when someone really wanted one?

**AnimeFan23** · June 6th, 2008, 01:53 AM

I have never been spanked by someone for real *tears up* only in PM's and RP's at this wonderful site so I caan't help you *goes and cries in the corner wishing someone would come and spank me*

**Hawke** · June 6th, 2008, 08:03 AM

I have been in the spanking scene for several years. In the general public, the vanilla world, I drop hints and of course only a small percentage of these yield results. Since I am a spanker I make statements that can be taken as a joke, such as " you should be spanked for that, or have you ever been spanked, or if you do that again I'll spank you " and watch for the reaction. Some times it is a gut reaction, if a girl is deIiberately being a brat and is sitting next to me on a couch I may pull her across my lap, but be ready to let go if the reaction is too negative, which actually has not happened in that situation. If I see an attractive lady working in a store, I pretend to be shopping for a birthday present for a lady her age and when she asks if my friend has given any hints about what she wants for her birthday, I say she has only said she wants a spanking. This often leads into a discussion of when or if some one is too old to be spanked etc. Once in a while these things pay off. You might drop hints in reverse of this. If you are late, say I am sorry I am late, I ought to be spanked or something. etc. Or ask him if he has ever spanked anyone ? It is the response to the suggestions that need to be picked up on. Some times if it is someone you see a lot, this banter may go on for a while. I have had girls say as a result, " there are times I need to be spanked " Or " no I don't want to be spanked but if you insist I won't resist." or "that is what I want for my birthday , a spanking. "Of course there are a lot of negative responses. The more hints with the more people the more spankings. You might bring up a spanking scene in a movie. I worked with a girl who was really into John Wayne and Mareen O' Hara, this led to a spanking relationship between us. I spanked her bare bottom behind the college book store once and over her panties at work. She was receptive of both spankings and others. You might say last year some one spanked you for some reason and you found you were vulnerable to being spanked.

**Maki** · June 6th, 2008, 04:10 PM

By being a cheeky brat

(don't mind me, I just couldn't resist saying that XD)

**ellipsis39** · June 6th, 2008, 05:39 PM

In my younger days, I would "ask" for it non-verbally by presenting my tush to a guy in subtle ways, like reaching across him for something, bending over to pick something up, or brushing against him. I wore tight cutoff jeans a lot in those days, which in themselves are an invitation. Anything to give a guy either a touch or a good scope of my tush. Of course that sort of tease didn't always work because teen guys can be SO dense, but older guys usually recognized an invitation when they saw it. Hence my pervading sympatico with older guys!

Back then I would never have been able to just come out and ask a guy I liked to give me a spanking! I'd have been terminally embarrassed! I'm sure it's the same for those out there who are seeking a spanking experience but aren't into an established relationship. In that case "asking" has to be covert rather than overt, lest it be known for certain that you have this "kink" of ours! Once you're into a relationship, that no longer matters.

Today, as a married woman, I have on occasion asked my guy directly, but usually it isn't necessary. I use my eyes and my body language to ask him for a nice little foreplay episode across his lap. It usually doesn't take much because we've always been very tuned in to each other. He has this silent way of arching an eyebrow and setting his jaw that says he gets the point, so we should get on with it.

P. S. He's seven years older than me!

**mushishi** · June 9th, 2008, 02:09 PM

Well, I'm not good at guessing things and I wouldn't want to make such a mistake.
If I didn't know that the one "asking" for it is into spanking I probably wouldn't just go ahead with it.
But if I know it's ok, I like to play around a little. (but I guess this was not the question)

On the other hand, it can be pretty exciting to actually hear someone asking for a spanking.
So my question to all is:
What is the reason for not wanting to ask?

**nachtmensch242** · June 9th, 2008, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mushishi

What is the reason for not wanting to ask?

I think that depents on the concept of your relationship.

If you want role-models of a dominant and active spanker and a submissive passive spankee, it would not work, if the submissive asks for any action.

And if you have some kind of -let's call it 'fictional'- background, like pretending that although in reality the spanking is consensual and a turn on for both, in fantasy a spanking is some sort of punishment, and the spankee does not want to be spanked and tries everything to avoid it, then it would spoil the fun, if the spankee admits to wanting one.

Another thing is: most spankees I met want the spanker to take control. It's not the pain that gets to them, but the act of submission and the idea of anonther person being in charge.

**mushishi** · June 9th, 2008, 06:00 PM

Ah, but asking for a spanking is actually the moment of submission, I think , giving the control to the other.
"Not getting permission" , like role play can be fun, but I don't know if there are people who would enjoy it every single time. (well, probably very few)

Well, not that I don't understand what you are trying to stay, but I believe only a small part of relationships/situations work this way, so I'm interested in what others say too. Especially what spankees think.

Thanks for your input though, it's a good starting point.

June 9th, 2008, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maki

By being a cheeky brat

(don't mind me, I just couldn't resist saying that XD)

That does help. In fact, it helps a lot.

I am a switch. As a spankee, I do ask for it. You have to ask for what you want. A little saying from Rogue-kun (That I edited a bit), "There is a lot of difference between bad boy/girl spankings and good boy/girl spankings." One is punishment, while the other is like a reward almost.

As a spanker, I rarely fail to notice when someone wants a spanking. >.>

**Macha** · June 9th, 2008, 08:26 PM

I really don't see why one doesn't just ask - it's generally the smarter thing to do. It's also nicer to people you don't know well, because expecting them to beat you for random hints you drop is expecting them to risk jail and a sexual harassment charge(and a rightful one, too). If you are with someone, who know they are allowed to spank you, the proper way would probably to ask in code. You can talk about these things, and it'd be quite healthy to do just that. Yes, that talk will be less sexy, but way more safe for all involved. Safety > sexyness, seriously. Humans can't read minds, after all, and signals can be read wrong.