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discordant-dirge-06

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FIREBALL666



IchiGo IchiE

Registered: April 2008
Posts: 328
  • Pin It
ssssssssss
Date: Tue November 1, 2011
Views: 22,866
Tags: 64
Filesize: 637.6kb
Dimensions: 900 x 1273
Keywords: discordantdirge



Madcat
VIP Donator
Such a cute bottom... she wouldn't happen to be recruiting Ghouls for the job, would she? I have a card around here, somewhere, if she is...

Ok! Suggested fixes!

In-box in upper-right:
"After this, I will start to forget... to forget who I am, to forget my memories. I am accepting this pain and accepting that I am a girl who deserves a spanking." Just some spelling corrections.

The middle in-box is... well, it makes sense, but the text is rather disjointed. I don't know how to fix it in just a couple words, so here's some suggested re-writes:

"Forgetting myself lets me enjoy the third thing: that is loss of control. I will feel helplessness, fear, senselessness, just keep begging and struggling. Let the sweat run all over my clothes and hair."

"Losing myself lets me enjoy the loss of control. I feel helplessness, fear, and I lose my senses, I just keep begging and struggling, letting the sweat pour all over my clothes and hair."

... best I could do on short notice, heh.

Dad should be saying: "This is what you deserve! I must make sure you learn your lesson!" Just a bit of a spelling fix.

Last box, lower center-right, much the same story. I know what you're trying to say (I think), and while the words together make sense, it's fragmented. I put it together like this, just sitting here reading it, but here's a suggested edit: "I love the feeling of being out of control. I don't need to think anymore. In fact, I will lose my ability to think. I feel like... I have become a human once again..."

And, yeah, her butt is incredibly cute.
#1 Tue November 1, 2011 06:21

Zangoose
Gold Member
Dude Im a master of the Old WOD this is a amazing story and superv art thanks a lot for posting it it will make us spank-fans so happy
#2 Tue November 1, 2011 06:41

Jinchu
VIP Donator
Now I must say what a perfect sexy behind have you drew. ^^ This spanking scene would be wonderful even without story! *_*
#3 Tue November 1, 2011 13:49

Renton
Gold Member
I don't think anyone on this site draws bottoms as well as you.
#4 Tue November 29, 2011 17:52

Chnmmr
VIP Donator
Got to agree there heh
#5 Tue November 29, 2011 18:08

Atomsk
Member
Dammit woman your outta control!!!
#6 Sun February 19, 2012 02:22


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