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pacedandy

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space-dandy-moving-right-woolong-now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyBkkJawLSw

"Nyahahaha! Nooo! I can't take whahaahaaa!" Meow laughed in agony as he was mercilessly tickled with cotton, his tail lashing before settling on trying to whip and stab at the human stuck beside him, who was busy getting his Dandy ass beat by some sort of... bottom lashing contraption.

"Aw, hell! That ain't fair, baby, he likes it! Gimme something I like, too!" Space Dandy complained, before he yelped as another slap of the strap came down across his waiting rump, his teeth bared as the fiery sting melted into his vulnerable Dandy buns.

"Any feeling or sensation is a blessing for us, Mr Dandy... it is just coincidence that your friend there is deriving scant enjoyment from our ministrations... to alter the means applied to extract your sensations will reduce the fee that you will be paid for your services... around 1587 Woolong."

"What?! Goddamn it...! That's like 50% down!" The man with the dark, barbed hair protested, glaring hotly at the haughty alien at his front.

"64.8%," the creature corrected, without gibe or malice, as sentiment and sensation failed his race, "However, we do have another option for you...?"

Dandy gritted his teeth and hissed as another solid WHACK of the strap-device slammed against his defenceless buns, this time really nicking into his firm upper thighs and stoking the heat already raging there under his black trousers, "Y...Yeah?"

"A request from one of our elites. They would like to hazard... if you would, perhaps, be willing to... have your trousers removed before we continue the ministrations? For an additional commission."

"...Say what now?" The space bounty hunter stared cautionary daggers at the smooth-ooze bodied being, which shrank back as if looks could maim and potentially even castrate.

"Only over your undergarments, nothing indecent, I assure you!" It implored with a bizarre sense of purity.

Dandy was silent for several moments, before he raised his head and spoke soberly, with all the heart of a champion to all.

"You guys... taking advantage of good, desperate people. I know you guys can't feel without people like us, I mean... you might think you don't have an option, but... ya do." He shook his head in righteous dignity, "Man, I feel sorry for you... you may have heard that Dandy would do anything for a little Woolong, but what you heard is just vicious rumours of the jealous masses, baby. I'm not sellin' my wares for a little gas an' repair for the Aloha Oe. I'll look after and treat her right my own way! That's the Dandy guy I am. So you dudes can stick yer trouser pinchin' thumbs, or whatever ya have, right up where all the brightest Stars in the Galaxies can't shine." At that, Space Dandy, our protagonist and hero to all (in some realities, maybe?) finished, tossing his head away from the being, like a Lord turning from his disgraced samurai as seppeku was enforced on command.

"Oh, the request was from Lady Flolololorola, and not one of our male gels, Mr Dandy, but I understand your point and humbly withdraw her request with my deepest apol.."

"Lady?" It was then that Dandy's eyes opened. Really opened for the first time in the sensation extraction chamber, and the means at which the Aloha Oe crew had aimed to pay for their most recent splurge in BooBies, and the gas to get them back there again.

The bounty-hunter stared into the sea of grey bodies, with their lack of definition and smooth flesh the same consistency of smooth grape jelly, and let his eyes drift closed.

His every Dandy sense on high alert. His tanned skin tingling. Scenting the air like a tiger with its belly to the ground in high grass. A blind man in his own personal, perpetual darkness, in a maze of noise. His brown eyes opened, and he found her.

How had he not seen her before? There she was, in all her lady splendour... his Dandy senses had grasped the female pheromones wafting from the lone, light blue blob of slime in the centre of the undulating throng of amorphous shapes. The sapphire blue body glimmered in the bright lights, the luminosity radiating through the jiggly, trembling flesh. Dandy grinned, and winked at the faceless being, which turned a shade of lilac, and fawned at the attention.

Dandy leered, even in his sore-assed state. 'Damn! She's fine. A real freakin' hottie.'

For you see, fellow intergalactic travellers, Dandy saw beyond the ties of specie and propriety, over dimension and logic, to the honies that lay beyond. And this slime-bodied, trembling blob of light blue jelly, was a real stunner in her world. Really turned heads (although her specie hadn't heads, per se, but could readily manufacture a like attachment should the occasion to turn one arise).

In short, she was a real, true blue, honey.

Dandy growled, "Well, heck..."

"...Dandy can't deny a lady," he murmured, "And a real man doesn't let the lady pick up the bill," he continued, sensually, his little Dandy... ahem... his HEART doing his thinking for him as QT started in horror as thrills of electricity from HIS ministration sparked up its back, knowing even with his dated data banks that required about 5 billion updates to come up to the equivalent of the common toaster, what was on his crew captain's mind,

"It's on the house, baby."


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MelloMelon



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