Top of the Class (for guardianjohran)

[BrattyTeen]

Kathryn checked her watch as she sat down, 25 minutes, she was 25 minutes late to class. She cursed under her breath as she pulled out her notebook. How was everything already going so wrong, it was only the second week of class! The teen had been late one other time and missed one class entirely due to mistakenly thinking it had been cancelled, even she was starting to think this was hopeless.

Her thoughts lingered on her failure last semester, it was unprecedented, she was top of her class in high school, never faltered, straight A's and B's. Her confidence had been shaken, last semester she'd signed up for too many credits, the classes were all new and advanced level difficulty, several months of lost sleep and stress amounted to nothing, she failed. Throwing herself at the mercy of the Administration had garnered her one shot at redemption, do well this next semester, or get kicked out for good. Now here she was, mucking it up already, she bit her lip to keep from screaming in frustration. It seemed like no matter what she did, everything was careening out of control.

Last semester she really did fight hard, lost many a night of sleep, bugged her classmates for help, but to no avail, she overestimated her abilities and paid for it dearly. Knowing her limitations wasn't Kathryn's strong suit after all, she wanted to push, wanted to be better, to out perform herself. Maybe she hadn't asked for help soon enough, after all she was use to being the best, not needing help, being the tutor for others, not needing one herself. If, ands, and buts ran through her mind as she relived the last few months over and over again, trying to think of how she could have done it differently, how she could have avoided this.

The professor asked a question, other student's hands shot in the air, Kathryn couldn't really participate, both because of her tardiness and the fact that she hadn't been able to focus for the past few minutes in the midst of her all-encompassing self-loathing. Everyone had believed in her, everyone told her she could do it, and she just had to go an prove them wrong, and now this semester had started to sour even more quickly than the last. Even as she steeled her mind and began to hurriedly scribble notes in order to catch up, a snide voice in her own mind planted seeds of doubt and fear. Maybe she just wasn't cut out for college, maybe she wasn't good enough, not smart enough, too lazy. The girl gritted her teeth, determined to pay attention and get something out of this lesson, she only had two classes this semester and they were mid-level, she should be able to ace them, no sweat, she told herself. Things would be different this time, things would be better, she'd earn this second chance and prove to everyone and herself that she was a great student.

[guardianjohran]

((I hope you're okay with the direction I took here))

"...which you can see illustrated in more detail in your textbook, on the graph at the bottom of page forty-" he sighed as the girl entered the classroom. Nearly half an hour late. Shaking his head a little he resumed, "...two. Nice of you to join us." He scolded her aloud briefly, but didn't linger on it, getting back into the lecture. Normally he wouldn't do such a thing as he didn't think shaming a student was ever in their best interest, but he found himself irritated she would already be so slack in her schedule, and not even two weeks of the semester had passed. It was disrespectful. Never the less, he moved on with class, explaining to his students what information they would need to complete the upcoming assignment. It wasn't to be anything too taxing on them, what with class not really being very far underway yet, but it was an important one, which really drilled home information they'd need for the entire course.

Clark Hendrix was somewhat young for a college professor. And he didn't quite seem to fit the usual mold. He didn't have the usual dour demeanor many of the professors did, and generally seemed to have an easier time connecting with his students. He'd finished his education with every intention of departing the university and taking a career out in what his fellow students at the time had called the 'real world'. Except, he'd found he didn't much care for it there. He'd felt more at home at the university. Students, young, fresh minds, so inquisitive. Eager to learn. Their whole lives ahead of them. So optimistic, with such noble goals. He preferred to surround himself with that, it had turned out, over the dreary every day living people convinced they were stuck eternally in some dead end pattern. So depressing...

Yes, he preferred this environment precisely because of the students' eagerness and passion, which he supposed was exactly the reason the tardy one in the back bothered him so much. It went against what he believed about his environment. It upset the pattern. He snapped off a question about the material, and several hands shot up almost instantly. He took time to notice hers was not one of them, before calling on a girl sitting near the front, who of course, got the answer correct, but in a way that sounded like she'd merely paraphrased the textbook, rather than bothering to actually comprehend the information. He sighed a little again, and praised the girl anyway, before resuming his lecture. Still, he couldn't get the other one off his mind.

Kathryn, her name was, if he remembered correctly, which he was almost certain he did. She stuck out in his mind because she'd sat in this same classroom last semester. Taking, as a matter of fact, a more advanced version of this same exact course. She hadn't done very well on paper, but she'd been much more involved, and active in class lectures and discussions then. She really seemed to be interested in the subject matter but for some reason performed poorly on exams and failed to turn in or complete assignments. And now, here she was again. Taking... certainly not a remedial level course, but decidedly not so advanced as before. He'd thought she'd had such potential then. But she didn't seem to put as much of a priority on the class as he would have liked. That mindset would ruin her potential if she let it, and there was an old saying that a mind was a terrible thing to waste.

He eventually drew his lecture to a close, and furrowed his brow in contemplation momentarily. A tough decision to make, getting too directly involved with any one student's education. But then again, he had remained behind and become a professor instead of venturing out into the world specifically because of the nature of this environment. If he didn't take the time to get involved in his students' educations, he'd be discrediting his own love of his job. It was what a good instructor, a good mentor, was supposed to do. His decision made, he gave himself a slight, but resigned nod.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Please finish reading this chapter on your own. Our next class will be an open discussion and debate. We'll be looking at the review questions for the chapter and talking about real world solutions. So have your ideas ready, and some information to back them up if you don't want to come off looking ridiculous. But for now you're dismissed, and I'll see you all in a few days." The students gathered their things and filed out the door, making small-talk as they went. As Kathryn neared his desk, he leaned subtly toward her, and without calling attention to her, spoke softly.

"Kathryn... you are... not quite as dismissed as the other students. Unless you have a class coming up very quickly, I need to speak with you for a moment."

[BrattyTeen]

(seems good)

Kathryn blushed from head to toe when Professor Hendrix called her out in front of the entire class, it was pretty unusual a professor calling out a student for being late, but she had been in one of his classes last semester too. Perhaps he didn't like her because she'd done poorly in his class back then and now her wanted her to know he didn't expect any better. She kept her head down for the rest of the class and tried to slip out quietly as the it let out, but he was having none of that. Once she heard him ask her to stay back she felt sick to her stomach, the girl had no idea what he wanted to say, there was no telling, but it definitely couldn't be anything good. For the next few minutes she watched the other students slowly file out, wishing desperately that she was one of them.

Perhaps, the teen mused, the school assigned him to monitor her progress, make sure she was staying up with everything, seeing as how she was living off their dime for at least the next couple months. She gulped, her throat dry, his expression didn't seem like he wanted to talk about administrative business. "What did you want to talk about, Professor?" It came off as casual, at least that's how she tried to make it sound, as if she had no idea why anything should be out of the ordinary.

Truth be told, the girl just wanted whatever this conversation was to be over as quickly as possible, she didn't want to think about how badly things had gone or how she had failed miserably. She didn't want to think about it, or remember it at all, just move on and put it behind her, spend the rest of her collage career acing classes and doing great. She'd get a job and make good money and no one would ever know about this, but that didn't help her now, with the professor that she had to work under for the next few months staring her down with a perfect mixture of disappointment and concern that made her want to run out of the classroom and hide under her bed.

[guardianjohran]

He regarded her as she spoke to him. Oh, but the expression on her face was miserable.

"Kathryn. You have a look on your face like you expect I'm about to tell you something absolutely terrible. I'm not. I promise. I really was sincere when I said merely that I wanted to speak with you." He pulled the more comfortable chair from behind his desk and rolled it gently toward her. "Please. Please. Have a seat. First, I think we need to deal with what happened at the start of class this afternoon. Well, not the start precisely, but my shaming you. I should not have done that. I admit that was the wrong thing to do. Not precisely the way I should have handled that situation. However, indulge me a moment, and I think you'll better understand my outburst." He took a seat atop his desk, ready to continue whether she took the offered chair or not.

"I became a professor right after graduation. I genuinely enjoyed the student experience. The whole university experience. The young minds. The fresh faces. The desire to learn things, and accomplish things." And there he paused. "It... troubles me, to see a student having the particular kind of college experience you are having. Potential, is not something to be squandered Kathryn. And you have it in droves. I remember you from last semester. You were one of those bright, engaged students. At least you were when the semester began. You struck me as someone who I would have expected to find in the top of that class. And yet, here I have you again, in a class not so advanced as that one was. Now. I'm not going to berate you for the past. Heaven knows I haven't got the spare room in my own closet to be calling attention to anyone else's skeletons. Because I didn't always love the university experience, you see. Which, I think, puts me in a unique place." He regarded her calmly, for just a moment, before standing and starting to pace. He was something of a restless soul, despite the composed exterior.

"May I posit a theory?" He smiled. And then immediately went on, without waiting for her permission. It was his classroom after all. "I'm betting you have always been a top mind, through your school years. Not necessarily better at studying than any of your class mates. Because, primarily, that you never had to. Gifted with an acute mind you just learned easier, faster, understood more clearly. You scored higher than others without having to put in as much effort." It almost sounded like he was speaking from experience as he went on. "And oh, how others complained. This subject was so hard, or that exam had been so difficult. And you had aced it. Please stop me if none of this is familiar." Though he had no intention of letting her do so. "But. Now, you find yourself in a situation where that's done you more harm than good. Your confidence developed as fast as your mind. Maybe even faster. You were more capable, more sure of yourself. But what you failed to realize is that while you are an excellent mind, your situation was out of your control. You were being fed everything in a slow drip. An education program designed to make sure that those who struggled along behind you could still understand. Now, free of the bonds of systematic education, able to dictate for yourself the pace at which you can learn, your... lets be honest... your ego... just went and piled the entire university right on top of yourself, didn't it?" Yes, he was definitely speaking from experience. Perhaps he saw something of his own past in her present situation. He spun quickly to face her, allowing himself as he did so to lean backward and brace against the desk he had been pacing around.

[BrattyTeen]

His reassurance made her feel a bit better so she took the offered seat. When he apologized for embarrassing her in front of the whole class she appreciated it but the mention of it caused her to blush again. "I really am sorry for being late, I got caught in traffic and I couldn't find anywhere to park." Kathryn offered an explanation but let him continue.

The mention of last semester made her feel queasy and her blood ran cold, at this point she'd had so many professors, advisers, administrators and look at her with disappointment in their eyes and shake their heads at the loss of potential that she dropped her eyes immediately to her hands to avoid seeing it again. The girl was certain that to see that again would certainly send her off the deep end.

When he got off of that sore spot she breathed a sigh of relief but then her professor went into a description of her that was pretty much dead on the nose, she squirmed with discomfort that he'd pegged her so easily. "I guess I was pretty arrogant." The teen admitted when he turned to face her. "I thought I could learn anything no matter how little background I had in the subject or how many difficult classes I had taken on." She couldn't look at his knowing expression for long before she dropped her gaze again, even though that visage itself was kind, she felt so guilty and ashamed that she couldn't look him in the eye for long. "I should have asked for help sooner, I was afraid to admit that I didn't understand a damn thing, I tried to get help from my classmates but they couldn't explain it well enough." Admitting all this caused an ache in her chest, she clutched at it unconsciously, staring into space.

"I went to my professor's a few times but I was just in way too over my head, every assignment took me days, I lost so many nights of sleep I would forget what day it was. Assignments ran into each other and it was a constant state of turning in one thing half done to try to finish another and still not finishing that." Kathryn admitted all this freely, feeling a bit better for having done so. "Listen professor," She sounded a bit more certain now, a bit more confidant. "I signed up for a couple classes this semester and there a bit easier but their also more in my area of expertise." The teenager tried to meet his gaze assuredly. " Last semester I tried something new, I wanted to be an expert at everything but now I'm going back to what I know. Computer programming just isn't for me and the advanced math needed in your class was just a bit too much for me, I probably could have done it if I hadn't signed up for all the others but together it was just too much." When she stooped talking the room was dead quiet which was a bit eerie for a place that is meant to be filled to the brim with people. "I liked your class the most but I had to switch majors, approach the problem from a different direction. I'll try not to let you down again." Sincerity rang true through her voice as she addressed him, hoping this was then end of their little discussion. Kathryn promised to do better, how much more could he ask for?

[guardianjohran]

Had she looked up into his eyes as he spoke, she would not have seen that disappointment she felt so many people had levied on her. He wasn't disappointed in her. He didn't disapprove of her. He just wanted put right that perceived error that had so bothered him. Yes, part of it was an interest in helping her, as that was a professor's role, but another part of it, he had to admit, another part of the reason he had pulled her aside to speak to her on this occasion, was his own perception of how things were supposed to go. He remembered his own first year here. Where he'd had an experience not to dissimilar from what she was going through now. This was not how the system was supposed to work, and he meant to put that right, as much to preserve his own sensibilities as for her sake.

"I wouldn't necessarily say you were too arrogant. You were confident. You were also misinformed. Yes I said your ego had gotten the better of you, but every person has an ego. Every person. And do you know what else? Every person has a limit. A line. Every one of us. No matter how exceptional someone is, there is a certain point they'll become overwhelmed. And it's important to know where that point is. Most people have the good fortune to encounter it earlier, when the circumstances can be less damning." He smiled a little. "But, the more capable the person, such as in your case, it sadly takes longer for them to reach that point." He stood up again, and paced toward her. "But understand that reaching it, does not mean you're no longer exceptional. It doesn't mean you're out of potential. It's actually an important step in learning how to reach your full potential." He sighed. "Though, it is unfortunate that it's often such a painful lesson."

He cringed, hearing her describe the way her troubles had compounded upon themselves. The harder she worked, the more tired she got, and the more tired she got the more her performance suffered. It was a cruel cycle, as he knew all to well. He nodded somberly, as she mentioned having gone to professors for assistance and not having been able to catch up.

"That is troublesome indeed. I certainly hope I wasn't one of those professors that you went to for help. If so, I failed you in that regard and I apologize. Our role is not supposed to be limited merely to educators, presenters of facts. We are guides, leaders, mentors... or at least we are supposed to be." He was standing near to the front wall so he stopped and leaned there. "I'm glad to hear you've found focus. And I don't feel let down at all, that your course doesn't necessarily include my more advanced courses. You should pursue your interests and your talents. Find what you want to become. If the students inside these walls didn't do that, this whole institution would be wasted, no?" He smiled.

"I can tell you honestly mean to succeed, Kathryn. So then you should know, even if it isn't in one of my own classes, I am always willing to help my students. As I said, that's my role as a professor. If you have trouble, don't be afraid to ask. And for my part I'll do a better job of keeping an eye out."

((So that's how I set up the potential for him to be an adviser/mentor whatever. I hadn't planned on having a spanking in the first encounter, but you had included her being late, so I didn't know if that was meant to be a punishable offense or how you'd wanted to play it.))

[BrattyTeen]

( I wasn't sure what to do either I was thinking having a spanking to help her get over last semester as a way of cleansing guilt, but this is working nicely so far. Are you thinking we should we make them meet periodically, maybe you could have a pop quiz or something?)

The more he spoke the lighter her heart felt, lighter than it'd felt in weeks, in fact. It seemed easier to breathe suddenly. She thought over what he'd said about reaching her full potential and realizing her limitations, perhaps he was right. She couldn't let her past failures define her, she had to keep trying, keep pushing. Kathryn wasn't a failure, she was still smart, she could still do this. It felt good to have someone believe in her again but it also scared her, if someone had faith in her she could let them down and she'd felt that pain oh so poignantly in the past months. This relationship with her professor was like a fledgling bird, so delicate, not yet ready to fly.

He definitely succeeded in making her feel better as well as making himself accessible as a source of assistance, one she wouldn't be afraid to utilize. She smiled back at him, albeit a bit shyly. "Thanks, Professor Hendrix." For the first time in a long time the teen really believed everything might be ok again, eventually. "I'll come to you with any questions I have, in either of my classes." Last semester she was all alone, so isolated, drowning, now she had a lifeline and it would make a difference, she was sure of it.

Kathryn went home and worked with a fervor she had thought had been burned out of her, highlighting in her textbook, annotating notes, reading ahead, a brand new start.

[guardianjohran]

(( I think the idea of some kind of periodic meeting or check in is a good one. Check on progress, quiz on courses and make sure she's doing things in a way that aren't going to set her back on the old path. I guess the idea of the guilt relieving would have worked out well too, but I didn't think of it at the time.))

He was glad to see that he seemed to have lifted her spirits. She'd slunk into class with her head down, and walked out with her shoulders high and her face forward. Perhaps he should try to be more involved with his students. He wasn't wrong when he'd said a professor's job was not supposed to end at dispensing facts. He'd try to do better himself. He meant what he said. He would try to do his part to be more than just an educator, but a true guide. He'd start with her, as a trial run. But first he had to have a little more information. He'd go to some of his colleagues and ask around. After his next class of course, which was coming up quickly.

It was later in the afternoon when he finally sat down to do his research. He'd decided to skip the talking to his fellows, as he was unsure what kind of consequences a professor asking for gossip on one of his young female students could bear, but none of them sounded good. He'd instead just look at her transcript records. Those were published in the directory. He winced as he read the full story. She'd come in with a high GPA from high school much like himself, and then, also like himself, the bottom seemed to have fallen out from under her. She was a scholarship student, on academic probation. If she didn't make some kind of amazing turnaround this semester she'd have to leave the school. Doing the math in his head, with all those classes from last semester, and the grades involved there, and only taking two classes this semester.... he sighed and rubbed his temples... she'd have to absolutely ace both classes to bring herself back into a grade point that kept her qualified for that scholarship. Oh what had he gotten himself into. Some 'trial run' this was going to be. He shook his head slowly, and stood, gathering his things.

[BrattyTeen]

A few classes later Kathryn was still feeling pretty good about the course, she had a good grip on the fundamentals of the course and that was a big relief from last semester's constant confusion and hours of studying trying to understand a basic concept. She made sure to study a bit every few days but she hadn't started reviewing yet for the test that was a week from today, probably this weekend she would, she told herself. Two days of extensive cramming, just the way it use to be. The basics she had a good grasp of, making it easier to understand how everything worked in general but what she was terrible at was remembering lists of specific names, titles and formulas, that she usually left to just before an exam, as she wasn't very good at remembering them so committing it all to short term memory and then regurgitating it on the exam worked well for the girl, especially when combined with her proficiency for the subject and knowing the background. What she neglected to realize was that this wasn't always the best way to get an A, as inevitably some of those details would slip her mind and be lost. The first exam always was a bit shaky, when she figured out exactly what each individual professor wanted their students to know, how in depth and/or memorization based it was.

Little did she know, today Professor Hendrix had decided to stage a pop quiz to see how ready his class was for the exam. She sat down, pulling out her notebook, ready to take notes for today when he announced it, she was a bit nervous. The teen put away her books and took a quiz sheet, looking down at it with apprehension, it was fill in the blank without any hints or a word bank. Kathryn groaned, this was her worst nightmare, she couldn't remember what everything was called specifically! After running her own mind ragged she managed to fill in a little over half before time was called and she had to begrudgingly turn in her sheet. Her heart sank like a stone, when it was taken from her, what would Professor Hendrix think, what if he told the school that she was hopeless! No, no, this was just a quiz, she had at least until the exam to shore up her deficiencies, the teen reasoned. Looking over at the man as he began his lecture she still felt a bit sick at the idea of him grading that quiz, after all he'd done for her.

That day she didn't stick around to chat with the older man like she normally did, she sprinted out before he could stop her, not able to look him in the eye or speak casually after that performance.

[guardianjohran]

((Sorry for the delay. Lots of crazy stuff happened over the weekend.))

He had conducted the quiz as a quick check up. He did plan to grade it, but it wasn't going to weigh very much in regard to their final grades. The exams made up the majority of that, with homeworks being the rest. And the quiz would probably just count as another assignment to be averaged in with all the others. No, it wasn't to punish or worry any of the students, just to make sure they were ready. But that didn't mean it was going to be a terribly easy quiz. He definitely wanted them to know if there were any weaknesses they needed to address before it was too late. So he really made the questions exam worthy. Challenging, but not impossible questions, or trick questions. Provided they knew the rules and processes they'd be able to work out the answers. He wasn't one for memorization and forgetting everything the next day. Understanding was important to him. And as such, there weren't hints or multiple choice answers.

He walked around the room, collecting the quiz papers as the time for them ran out. Looking down at the pages, he saw about what he expected. A lot of the students didn't really have the whole thing completed. They would have most of the questions answered, but some left blank, or they'd have something written down every question, but not have any of them worked out all the way to the end. He nodded as he collected them. Seems he'd have to go back over the material for the last few questions, as they seemed to give everyone trouble.

When he got to Kathryn's paper, he had hoped she'd be the exception to the rule. After all, she'd been coming into class the last few instances with a renewed spirit. Really participating again, seeming like she really got it. He wasn't sure why he'd taken such an interest in her particular situation. But he had expected a miracle from her. So he was disappointed when her paper didn't look any better than the others. Worse, in fact than a few of them. No matter. There was time still. He'd work with her a little more during their meeting today. Maybe she just needed some tips and tricks on how to remember certain things.

"So, who had trouble with number sixteen?" He began his lecture. Most every hand in the room went up. "Yes. Why don't we go back over that again. If there's something I need to explain more thoroughly, please, don't hesitate to ask. In the mean time, lets look over what seems to be a sore spot on the quiz, no?" The class itself went on without much more ado, until the end. As he dismissed the student's he noticed Kathryn making something of a bolt toward the door, rather than sticking around like she usually did. Her head was down, deliberately not looking at him.

"Kathryn. I think- Kathryn?" He stood up from his seat. "Leaving so suddenly?"