You Make Me A Better Villain (for Crooked)

[VGKforever]

Harley clung to Ivy with all the strength she had. "I-I'm sorry, Ive," she sniffled. "I'll be... more selective about the smashing from now on, okay? And I'll replace the TV. And... I might have smashed the lamp on your side of the bed earlier, but I don't think you noticed that yet, so I'll replace that too." She burrowed her face into Ivy's shoulder, letting the wetness around her eyes dry up into the fabric of her girlfriend's jacket.

After what felt like ages, Harley drew back. She got off of Ivy's lap to get a tissue from the end table by the bed. After a satisfying blow, she discarded it and eased her way back into her arms. "You're stronger than you look, red. Those yoga lessons must be paying off."

“Wait? Really? Oh, geez, that was from an antique store…” Ivy mumbled while Harley left her lap, then crossing her arms rather sunkenly. “I mean, it wasn’t expensive but it should’ve been…” She shook her head after. Maybe if this was addressed previously, Harley would get some extra punishment for her troubles but she was far past the point of even considering that, and especially over it when Harley returned to her arms again. In seconds, Ivy forgot about the stupid lamp, pulling Harles closer for a tight hug.

Her eyes opened a bit tiredly at the passing compliment. “Shit, I mean, really? You think so?...” She muttered. Not exactly what she was doing yoga for Harley to notice, but she’ll take what she can get. A deep sigh, and Ivy rested into her place. “...love you, Harley.”

[VGKforever]

"Yeah, but I was trying to read a magazine and it kept shining in my eyes funny. I tried to ignore it, but it started to make me mad, you know? And then the next thing I knew it was smashed to bits. I don't remember actually taking a bat to it either. ...Which I guess I've gotta work on, huh?" Harley burrowed into her shoulder. "But I guess I've got help there. No more indiscriminate smashing... of your things. I promise."

"Love you too, Ive. And yeah, really. You've definitely got some upper arm strength going on. But it's also making your butt, like, really nice too. Is that why you're taking those lessons? ...It is, isn't it?"

Ivy’s eyes blinked to their corners, but a smirk came along with it. Once the problem was addressed, Harley’s recklessness was still a source of amusement, most of the time. When it was harmless, anyway. “That’ll do, Harles.” She sighed with a shake of her head.

“...o-oh.” Ivy blinked again. “You really-? I mean, pssh, shut up, Harles, I’m not-... anyway!”

The conversation deflection did not go as planned.

---

A day in the life of a villain was often exciting… until it wasn’t. Some days were spent rigging environmentally unsound facilities to explode and robbing banks, others were spent on the couch, watching a movie on a new television. Not a particularly fun movie either, because Ivy was already on her phone and not paying attention as it went on.

“...” Her lips curled into the smallest smirk at what she saw on her own screen. “Ahhh, haha… Harles, check this out.” She turned the phone over to show an update from King Shark’s Instagram, where a repeating video showed Dr. Psycho tripping and falling flat on his face time after time.

[VGKforever]

Harley looked over her shoulder at the Instagram post before shaking her head. "You have such a hate boner for Psycho, Ives. I get it, but he is a member of the crew and all. I got one too. Look." Harley pulled out her own phone and showed Ivy a video Clayface sent. Sy was in it, clearly thinking he was alone. He was stroking the heads of Harley's two hyenas while indulging in meaningless baby talk.

"Such a good boy, yes he is. A good little bubbala," Sy crooned as he rubbed Bud and Lou's bellies while they rolled over happily. "Did ya like the horse meat Grandpa Sy gave ya yesterday, Louie? Yes you did, yes you did, pretty baby..."

"It goes on for like ten minutes," Harley grinned, stopping the video and placing the phone back in her pocket. "So much for Sy not approving of the hyenas."

Harley returned her attention to the movie ("American Pie") for another minute before shutting it off with the remote. "Well, that sucked. Let's do something else. More fun. Like... get naked. That's fun."

“What can I say? I, uh, hate ‘em.” Ivy shrugged, clicking her phone off and putting it away just to lean in to what Harley was showing her. “Oh, man. This is A-tier blackmail, does he know about this yet?” She cackled to herself. Sy was… an odd one, and a terrible landlord, but damn it if he wasn’t free entertainment at times.

“Ahh… yeah, it did.” Ivy shook her head, leaning back again. Stifling a chuckle at Harley’s suggestion, Ivy tried to look at her phone again and pretend she wasn’t interested. “Uhh, is it?” She nervously laughed.

[VGKforever]

"I don't think he knows about it, no. Just you, me, and Clayface do right now. I'll send it to you to use for future blackmailing purposes though." Harley got her phone back out and sent Ivy the video. "Sy reminds me of my Grandpa sometimes, actually. Except Sy didn't get piss drunk on Manischewitz last Passover and launch a flaming bag of cat shit onto his neighbor's lawn. That I know of. Otherwise, Grandpa was similar. From the gratuitous folksy racism right down to the proclivity for arson. But I digress."

Harley plopped down on the couch next to her girlfriend and stretched. "Yeah, it sucked so bad I might get the director's address off the dark web and go to his house to break his kneecaps. I know I said I was going to do it to John Stamos next, but I'd feel bad about crippling Uncle Jesse, you know? I can't hurt him after he wrote that song for Michelle. And I kind of like the yogurt commercials he does too... But let's table that idea for now. I think I said something about getting naked being fun?"

"Come on, Ive," Harley tried, grinning beguilingly. "You know you waaant to. And you're in good company. There's no one in the world it's more fun to be naked with than Harley Quinn, for a myriad of reasons. I'm sure you'd agree with that statement, hm?"

With Harley far much in her face now, it was growing more and more difficult for Ivy to hide that dark green blush on her cheeks. “N-no, I mean, I totally agree, I love getting naked with you, um…” Ivy chuckled nervously to herself, doing everything in her power to remain calm. “It’s just, y’know, is now the right time? Has it been long enough since we last spent time naked together to do it again?” She shrugged.

“You don’t want our naked time to get stale, do you?” By now Ivy knew she was making up excuses, but it was all in a faint attempt at playing hard to get. Harley was taking a much more aggressive approach right now, and she loved every second of it; it was just a matter of seeing how much further it could go. “Maybe we can make out, first?...”

[VGKforever]

Harley had long since invaded Ivy's personal space bubble, and she was in no mood to back off now. "Well, yeah... I guess our last time naked together was this morning when we woke up, right? But that doesn't mean we can't get naked again. That's the beauty of of monogamous gay sex. You can go multiple times a day without having to worry about protection or getting it up. But we also don't have to have sex. We can just be naked together for shits and giggles. It's up to you, really."

Her arm snaked around Ivy's waist, pulling her in. "Aw. Do you really foresee our naked time getting stale with how flexible I am? I promise, there are plenty of things you haven't seen me do yet. But I'm not going to give all of my secret moves away at once. Keeping you guessing and watching you blush trying to imagine what I can do is fun. And you're doing it now. I can tell."

Harley's lips were curling into a wolfish grin. "Oh, with how much you're blushing, I think you're imagining more than just seeing me bending in some interesting ways. You're not fooling me with this hard-to-get thing you're doing, Ive. Was asking to make out really so hard?" Her lips were on Ivy's a second after finishing her sentence.

It was POSSIBLE having a former Olympic gymnast contender for a girlfriend who also happens to be horny 90% of the time did amazing things for Ivy’s sex life, and hearing that she’d only scratched the surface of what shapes Harley could take was definitely sparking her imagination some. “W-well you know I’m not real creative-” Ivy tripped up over her own breath. Funny how she could be best friends with someone to lovers for more than two years and still find herself speechless at times.

“It’s more difficult than you’re giving me credit f-!” Ivy shut that sentence off REAL quick when something much more important demanded her attention; catching Harley’s lips with her own, Ivy leaned back against the couch and let Harley push onto her. Her lips barely kept up with Harley’s as they split for a mere second, a single strand of saliva tying them together.

“M-maybe I wanted this.” Ivy chuckled nervously. Right back to business after, she basically pulled Harley into her.