You Make Me A Better Villain (for Crooked)

[VGKforever]

Harley remained standing at the side of the bed for the time being, not wanting to invade Ivy's personal space (she needed a lot of it when she was angry.) Being touched was her way of telling her she was allowed to get closer, which Harley did, though she knew they weren't at the point of cuddling yet. That was okay. It was progress.

"Yeah, you're right... and I really do feel bad that you got your ass kicked on my account. Really. From now on, I'll try to think things through better. And make plans and make sure you're up to date on them. Getting my ass handed to me like that again isn't on my to-do list anyway. Next time, I'll think of something foolproof."

Harley tapped her chin, mind immediately brainstorming for their next heist. Ivy had the advantage of getting plants to do her bidding... what if Harley had minions like that? Not plants, but something she could train to attack her enemies... like wolves! Or bobcats! Or lots of bobcats! It was perfect.

"Ivy, Ivy, I've got it!" the villainess announced with a huge, maniacal grin. "For our next heist, we'll steal some animals from the zoo! We'll train them to attack our enemies, just like you do with your plants! I'm thinking timberwolves... they're like big puppies. Or lynxes would be good too. They're really cute and they can tear someone's throat open! A grizzly bear would be a bold choice, though maybe a little hard to keep around the apartment... what do you think?"

Harley did not wait for a response. She was already up, pacing around the room at a high speed. "Actually, I think a grizzly bear could be perfect! If the Russians can train them to serve tea and ride unicycles, I can definitely teach them to maul people I don't like! Plus, I bet hugging a big mama bear would be really warm and awesome. Maybe she can sleep at the foot of our bed?"

“...” It wasn’t much, nor did she believe it’d become anything, but at least it proved Harley was trying. Ivy sighed, and nodded. “Thanks, I guess.” She muttered. “Let’s just settle for a bit and not try anything crazy-”

It took seconds for Harley to move on to her next thing.

“You held onto it as long as you could.” Ivy sighed. “No, Harley, no. No!” She repeated, cutting her girlfriend off right then and there. “First off, no pets in the apartment. I got kicked out for this shit before, remember? Sy’s a little less crotchety but he’s still a landlord.” Ivy explained. “No. No bears, no wolves, no… feral animals in the room.”

Taking a deep breath, she went on. “My plants aren’t my pets, Harles, it’s a mutual relationship or something.” She sighed. “Try telling Frank he’s a pet, you’ll get what I mean.”

“Anyway…” Ivy paused. “You don’t need animals. You’ve got a crew, and you’ve got me. My powers are pretty much yours.” She went on, “Let’s just start smaller, okay? Rob a bank, kill a politician, something like that. No stealing bears or fighting Superman.”

“Okay?” She finished. “I gotta bring up the discipline next…” Ivy’s mind told her. ”Shut up, me.”

[VGKforever]

"But, Iiiive!" The protest came out whinier than Harley wanted, but she kept on. "We're tight with Sy now! I'm sure if we cleaned up after her and promised to pay for any damage she creates, he'd be fine with us having a pet! Come on, don't you want a nice, big bear? A big furry friend to squeeze and spoil and keep around so no one ever fucks with us again?"

The look on Ivy's face was telling her that her pitch wasn't working, so Harley slumped back against the wall, arms folded. "Fine, no bear... we'll just get cats like normal lesbians... do you think they could be caracals though? The whole ripping open someone's throat thing is important to me, and while house cats are cute, they don't kill people... well, I guess they could lie on your face while you're sleeping and suffocate you, but that takes too long, you know?"

The more Harley said, the graver Ivy's expression became. Harley was excitable, especially where coming up with villainous schemes was concerned, but she did know when it was time to back off... eventually. "Okay, okay, we'll table that idea. Next time, we'll just rob the Gotham Mint. I really don't think Batman could fuck us up as badly as Wonder Woman just did. That's a good place to start rebuilding our confidence right? I'll think of a big, elaborate scheme later. And I'll make sure I tell you every detail right down to which of my bats I use to crack the skulls. You'll be completely in the know, I promise!"

It certainly sounded promising… but she’s been misled before. “Okay, Harles, that’s great.” She muttered back. “It’s just, I’ve heard this all, like, a million times before. Promise me you’ll actually do it, this time?” She asked; and that was all she needed. It would do, for now. “That’s a step in the right direction… so.”

Unfortunately, villainy aside, there was something they hadn’t quite brushed up on yet. “Are we gonna talk about… y’know…” Ivy muttered, feeling her cheeks go dark green as she deflected her gaze elsewhere. “The other things we said while that stupid lasso was wrapped around us.”

[VGKforever]

Obviously, Harley was in no hurry to have this discussion, but what choice did she have? Their innermost feelings had been dredged up by force, and they had to address them before they became the elephant in the room. Harley rested a hand atop Ivy's, pleased when she was not pushed away. "Yeah, that... So, Ive... I'm really sorry I put pressure on you to perform. I didn't realize, but I'm glad I know now. You know I like you topping me, and I know you like being on top... at least part of the time. But if it makes things better for you, I'll gladly take charge sometimes. Just... in the future, can we agree to tell each other stuff like that? I want you to be happy, and I want to know how I can make that happen. I'd do anything to see you smile, you know? Stab any bitch that gives you a hard time, make your favorite vegetarian lasagna, give you back massages and watch Jodie Foster movies with you when you're sad... you want it, it's yours. That applies to sex stuff too, okay? If you're into it, just let me know, and I'll make it happen."

Harley swiped one of the cookies, only to cough violently the second she took a bite. "Ack, too much powdered sugar. "But, uh, while we're on the subject... You know I really dig it when we do the whole 'you've been bad' shtick and you call me a brat and pull me over your knee... ah, sorry, got distracted. But I'm cool with doing it to you too, if that's what you want. I think it would be hot..."

Harley wrapped her arms around Ivy and squeezed. "Just... no choking, okay? With Joker, there were times when I think I really wouldn't have cared if it killed him, but I'm not chancing that with you."

“...” It was funny how casually Ivy and Harley could have and talk about sex most of the time, yet now, it felt like some heavy subject they didn’t dare approach. Probably because usually, they spoke their minds and kept some things to themselves, and that wasn’t an option when the lasso of truth was wrapped around one’s waist.

Still, everything Harley said was sincere enough to brighten the mood. Ivy took a deep breath, feeling a wave of calm flush over her with release. She patted Harley on the back, still not fully able to maintain eye contact. “Well, you are a brat, so it comes pretty naturally…” Ivy mused. “...but I’m glad you said that, ‘cause I was about to say the same thing. No choking! It’s a deal.”

That went well. It left just one… minute detail left to discuss. And definitely the hardest one yet. “Now, uh…”

“Sooo…” Ivy began, eyeing the ceiling for a brief moment. “I’ve been thinking…”

[VGKforever]

"What is it, red?" It was one of Harley's cheesier names for Ivy that dated back to the beginning of their friendship, but at the moment she couldn't find it in herself to care if it sounded dumb. She drew back and held her girlfriend at arms' length, her face far more sober than was typical of her. She could sense the strong reticence, so she massaged Ivy's back gently, trying to coax it out. "Just go ahead and say it, okay? Whatever it is, I won't be upset, or judge you, or anything like that. I promise."

A smirk returned to the corner of the villainess's lips. She brushed a few strands of hair from the other woman's face. "So real talk here, there's only one thing in the world you could possibly say right now that would upset me... and that would be if you told me you killed Oprah Winfrey. I won't lie, I'd be super pissed about that, though I'd forgive you eventually. As long as you left Ellen and Kelly and Ryan alone, anyway. But otherwise, no judgements, no pressure. Helpful Harley's here to listen."

Ivy’s eyes narrowed. “Well. You say that, buuut…” She muttered to herself. Her mind ran through a million possibilities at once, and in zero of them did she think of a good way to word the next extension to their conversation. “Okay, there isn’t a way to put this out there without feeling mega awkward, so I’m just going to say it and hope you still love me afterwards.” Ivy finally sighed. A single dusting motion and she put Harley’s hand off her back, taking it into her own palm shortly after before they’d lock eyes.

“Harles, look… you’re my better half and I, uh, love you…” She paused to swallow dry. “But you do sometimes get a little on the reckless side, like we mentioned before… and sure, you promised to not jump in without a plan anymore, I appreciate that, but like I said, being spontaneous and impulsive is kinda part of who you are, and I’m not going to take that from you.” Ivy nodded again. So far so good.

“Sooo…” She finished. “From now on, if you do end up tripping and doing something dumb, like turning King Shark into a blood-thirsty murder beast, or almost getting us banished to the Phantom Zone, or sign on an absolute psychopath who was locked in a textbook for literal genocide, or attempt to fight Superman and end up with the wrong hero… I’m gonna stop there, you get the point.” Ivy finished with a sigh. “After we survive it and shit, ‘cause you know, we will…”

One final deep breath. “I’m gonna, um, start taking discipline a little more seriously. Like… maybe spanking you. Sometimes. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes.” And there it was! The word fell off her tongue like a boulder and Ivy fell back in relief after it left with a grunt.

[VGKforever]

Harley paused for a long moment before her right eyebrow rose in confusion. "Ive... not sure I just heard you right. You're gonna spank me when I fuck up from now on? That's what you're telling me? 'Cause that's kind of..." No judgements, Harley, and no bitching. You promised. Harley took a deep breath and squeezed Ivy's hand.

"Well, uh, if you really think that's... a thing we should do, then... then maybe we should. I mean, I trust you. 'Cause... I know you wouldn't have said it if you didn't think it was a good idea, right? Just to clarify, you said 'discipline.' And you mean real, actual discipline? Like not the roleplaying thing we do usually?"

She supposed she knew what Ivy was saying, but a quick shake of her partner's head was all the confirmation we needed. "Well, like I said, I trust you. The idea's gonna take a little bit of getting used to though... I haven't gotten spanked for real since I was a kid. I mean... have you? My mom used to threaten me and my brother with it a lot, but she didn't usually actually do it. Sometimes, but she had to be really, really pissed off. I mean, the nuns in school were a different story, they'd beat you up for anything..."

Slowly, the maniacal grin returned to Harley's face. She chuckled menacingly under her breath. "Did I ever tell you I broke a paddle over Sister Mary Louise's fat head once? It was my very first 'oh no you don't, bitch' moment, and it was glorious. She was coming after me for lighting one of the other nun's habits on fire--see, she gave me an F on an essay I wrote about lighting ants on fire with a magnifying glass, and I wanted to show her it really did work--and before she could catch me, I backflipped around her, grabbed the paddle, and whacked her upside the head with it. And boy was it a good hit! Three teeth came out. Needless to say, that was the end of the nuns getting on my ass every day."

“Shit, really? Religious schools are mega-fucked.” Ivy grunted, though paused a second after. “That’s… sorta on you, too, though.” They shared a laugh, and Ivy let her smile fade slowly whilst keeping her other thoughts to herself… like, relief that Harley seemed to take her new proposition on the soft side. Was it going to be easy? No. Did she actually expect to have to do it? Also no.

What’s the worst that could happen?

“Anyway…” Ivy brushed her hair from her face. A moment passed and she said nothing; her mind locked in temporary consideration if telling Harley about her own history with ‘discipline’ was worth getting into...

Maybe another day. If all this shit worked out, anyway. “Glad that’s sorted out, then… thanks for understanding, babe.” Ivy sighed, a bit unsure of what else to say. “...so, we robbing a bank?”