SSB: Seeing Double (for tailsy125)

“THAT should be the last of it!”

Dust kicked up below as the King Koopa non-cautiously dropped two packing boxes to the floor, stretching out his shelled back afterwards while a furry, one-eyed space pirate watched from behind. Turning around, Bowser gave Wolf a pat on the back nearly hard enough to knock the evil starship commander to the ground. “Welcome back, wolfie! Hope you’re ready to start some TROUBLE!” The turtle tyrant roared. Wolf shot a toothy smile back. “I always am, Koopa.” He facetiously nodded, “The tournament can’t start soon enough.”

A monstrous laugh from Bowser shook the halls, the two villain’s bidding each other well (or unwell, in their case) and parting ways… but not without their entire conversation having been watched. Just down the hall from where Wolf was setting up shop, through open doorways, a lanky, muscular woman watched in a casual blue tank top and pair of shorts, her eyes narrowing at the interaction she had just watched. Samus sat up, crossing her legs beneath her. Her nose twitched with worry.

It wasn’t Wolf she was worried about. Him alone was no problem. But two ‘surprise’ reveals from earlier in the month did have her lying awake at night… Ridley. Dark Samus. Two of her fiercest foes, one of which responsible for her greatest tragedy, now invited to reside in the mansion alongside her. Alongside children, like Ness and Young Link… alongside her friends, like Mario and Pikachu. Samus’ eyes narrowed. With K. Rool not far behind, the only way she’d keep all these villains in check… is if she could multiply herself.

...which she couldn’t. But she could toughen up some of the… liabilities in this mansion. Like Peach. Or, more specifically, the Princess of bitches herself, Zelda. Just a little something to convince them to be more like herself… or, okay, Sheik.

Samus had an idea. “Toad!” She barked out into the nearby hallway. Then, throwing her feet off the bed, she walked over to her closed closet, throwing open the doors to unveil a variety of skintight, elastic suits in all sorts of colors; of course, she went with classic blue for today. And after a moment’s delay, a little huff and a puff was heard as the Mushroom-headed servant appeared from the hallway. “Yes, miss!” Toad introduced himself. Samus turned towards him in the blink of an eye, a scowl on her face that sent shivers down the little man’s spine. “Ex-xcuse me, miss?” Toad asked.

“Go find Peach and Zelda.” She growled, “And tell them to meet me in… the Wii Fit Studio.” Samus decided. Toad stood there shivering, paper and pencil in hand, looking to Samus in case there was anything more to add.

There wasn’t. “Now!” Samus barked, and with a yelp, Toad ran off to go fetch the Princesses, leaving Samus shaking her head while she walked to her door. “No more damsels…” She muttered to herself, then slamming the door shut.

[Bombay]

Peach was minding her own business inviting the newcomers to the castle. With a soft smile, she sees the princess in orange slowly approach the castle with a cart filled to the brim with luggage “Daisy, you do know you weren’t supposed to bring everything! You do know you’ll have to move back eventually!”. The tomboy princess smacked her sister’s shoulder playfully “hey! Everything I have in those bags are for the tournament, they asked me to bring some new items”. Peach rolled her eyes and walked over to one of the bags before she opened them. Orange outfits fall out of the bag as a deep blush starts to form on Daisy’s cheeks “I…uhhh…can explain…” she says awkwardly before Peach pulls her into a hug “it’s been to long sister, glad you finally accepted the challenge”. “Yeah…well, I couldn’t let you have all the glory~” Daisy says with a playful smirk before she moves back to pick up her clothing off the ground. as the two converse, a little blue toad waited patiently for their princess to be finished “morning princess! Samus requested you in the Wii Fit studio”. Peach rolled her eyes hearing this, Samus could have such a stick up her ass, “fine, help Daisy with her things. We don’t need her blocking the door~”. Daisy meets this with a middle finger which causes Peach to giggle and begin to walk over to the Wii Fit studio.

Zelda was in the garden looking down at all the links and squeezing the children’s cheeks “Hero of the sword, why didn’t you tell me you looked so cute as a child!” she giggled bending over and looking down at the children’s blush “stop being so bashful to your princess, I know we’re from different timelines, but we’re all related so technically I’m like your big sister”. Young Link smacks her hand away and Zelda rolls her eyes focusing on Toon Link’s chubby cheeks. Link’s just lucky that she’s not messing with him for once, before he sees a smaller Toad waiting for Zelda’s attention. A quivering smirk formed on his cheeks and she gave the girl in tights one firm smack to her generous cheeks “eep! Hero, what are you?-“ she hissed before he pointed over to the Toad “what do you want? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?” she huffed before the Toad stuttered out “I-I…Uhm…Samus wants you in the Wii Fit Studio princess”. Zelda rolls her eyes crossing her arms “well tell her that she’ll just have to wait” Toad slouches over looking down “b-but she sounded serious…”. Zelda barked back “I don’t care, I’m not-“but her ear was grabbed by Link who began to drag her to the studio “Unhand me hero! This is an order!”

Link walked to the studio still dragging the fighting princess before she pushed her inside giving a nod to Samus. Peach, already being there for quite some time, glares at Zelda “took you long enough. I asked her why she requested us, but she refused to tell me! All she would say is “not until Zelda arrives”. Just because she’s technically an elder to this tournament, she thinks she’s better than us” she huffs

“Good. Try and keep up your pace. If you can, push your limits. Move faster! Go!”

Wii Fit Trainer’s ambiguous monotone voice was calling out commands to Little Mac like his fitness routine was like an everyday jog. Instead, the short boxer was pacing at sweat-breaking speeds, climbing up an exercise stair, then back down, over and over and over again. Samus rolled her eyes as the door to the Wii Fit Studio shut behind her. Little Mac had been trying to improve his height mobility for ages, now. Whether that was because of her constant belittling of his height, or the fact that he sunk like a rock off-stage, she didn’t care.

Pausing mid-call-out, the Trainer turned to Samus and instinctively took a step back. Samus was undeterred. She strut in like she owned the place, merely shooting Wii Fit a nasty look. “Oh. Aran. Are you here to-”

“Out.” Samus threw her arm towards the door. “...excuse m-?” Wii began to ask, Mac pausing mid-step to look at the newcomer (and quietly thank his stars for a lucky brake.) “Out.” She growled again.

---

With the work-out duo forcefully relocated to Pokémon Stadium, Samus began to pace around the studio, hands behind her back. Where does she start with hardening up two Princesses? Two blonde bimbos that had been served everything they owned on a silver platter their whole lives… it’d be tough work redirecting that life of entitlement. But if anyone could do it, it was her. The real question was, where the hell was Zelda? She couldn’t hold her off forever, and if she had to listen to Peach whine about why she was there one more time she’d-

Speak of the devil! Spinning in her tracks, Samus looked back to Link one-of-three with a sigh and a nod, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He was alright, but he’s also partly to blame for why Zelda is… the way she is. Let her rescue herself for once, elf-boy.

“Aren’t you supposed to be able to teleport, or something?” Samus stepped up, interrupting Peach and Zelda’s conversation with her hands balled into fists. Zelda hadn’t even said anything yet and already, she was pissed. Her cute face, big, blue eyes and long, flowing hair was just so… punchable! “No. Really. Tell me. I’m just baffled as to how this cake-pop in high-heels…” She motioned towards Peach, “...floated her pink curls over here in the time it took your boyfriend to drag you.” With a sigh, she added “Cute, how you let him tell you what to do without even speaking, by the way."

[Bombay]

Link wanted to fight back, and if his princess wasn’t there he well might have, but he just gave the bounty hunter the bird and left without another word. She needs to remember that he’s also an elder fighter, so she has no authority over him. He’ll check on the other link and see how his cheeks are doing, he’s felt Zelda’s lobster pinch more times then he’d like to admit.

Zelda raised an eyebrow rubbing her ear when she heard Samus’ stern tone with her “excuse me? I’ll admit that the great fairies have blessed me with the Goddess’ gifts, but I can only teleport limited distances. If you want to go somewhere more long distance, you’d need to talk to Link, although the Sheikah slate is based on waypoints and I don’t believe it could teleport more than just the holder.” She explains ignoring her tone. Peach glares at her and crosses her arms “I walked here, thank you very much. Perhaps that suit is a bit too tight and the blood hasn’t gotten to your head” she says with salt spewing out of her mouth with every word.

Zelda stood up walked over to Samus so they’re face to face “Link chooses not to speak because he holds the burden of the world on his shoulders. I chose him to be my knight and the sword chose him to be its master, so I wouldn’t talk about his lack of speech. At least he doesn’t need a high-tech suit of armor to keep his enemies at bay. You’re the one who allowed not only your biggest foe, but an extra-terrestrial who has your abilities around the children who are in this manor. At least we’re keeping an eye on Gannondorf, but what are you doing while you sling insults at us? hmmm? Oh, I know, you’re doing nothing! So perhaps you shouldn’t worry how I instruct my knight when you clearly don’t have your life together” Peach couldn’t believe what she’s hearing. She knew Zelda was feisty, but she never saw her defend Link like that, it’s always the other way around.

Peach coughed loudly trying to ease the tension of the room. “uhm…ladies…perhaps we should listen to what Samus has to say, there must be some reason she brought us here” she says softly looking at the two. It’s so tense, you can cut it with a knife. “Not until she apologizes about Link, you can say what you want about me, but not about my Linky”

There were a few words Samus could think of to butt into Zelda’s chitter chatter with, but it felt more appropriate to simply lift one of her hands and mimic the motions of a jabbering mouth while the Princess went off on her tangent. Blah, blah, blah, magic, blah, blah, who cares. Hyrule was based on witches and wizardry, her galaxy was built on advancements in science, and so she didn’t care one bit about the actual details of ‘teleportation’ or however it works. And Peach? Samus looked at her once. That was the extent of the reaction she got. Her arms crossed over again. Listening to the two chatterbugs was like being a disgruntled parent with two whiny children… and in fact… that gave her an idea.

Per usual when Zelda spoke, Samus let her voice drain off into a mind-numbing tone. Her mind was focused elsewhere. “Princesses…” Samus reminded herself, taking a glance at Peach’s crown, then at the pretty braid in Zelda’s. Hm. She bet these two had never been properly disciplined in their lives… that’d certainly explain why their fighting styles were so laid-back. The more she thought about it, Zelda’s voice began to drone back into focus, Samus catching the words ‘biggest foe’ just in time. Her fists clenched so tightly, they turned white. Her brow furled into two, furious slants. Not even’s Peach’s rebuttal could calm her down, now.

“I think he doesn’t talk because you never give him a fucking chance to.” Samus spat right on back, “But no, I get it. Fuck me, right? It’s ENTIRELY my fault that Ridley ambushed Mega, Mario and I. And I totally take all the blame for Lucina opening the floodgates for copies to come in. You got your tennis partner, I got a parasite. My bad.” Turning her back, Samus stormed further into the Wii Fit studio, crossing her arms while she walked. “In fact, that’s why I brought both of you here. Because a bunch of villains are clogging up the bracket, and if their only resistance are the Princesses they’re constantly kidnapping, we’re going to get overrun real quick.”

“But since you’ve apparently got Ganon on a leash shorter than Link’s, maybe you can teach me your high and mighty ways of how I can control Ridley.” Samus turned back around and gestured towards herself. “But if you lose… then I get to teach YOU a thing, or two.”

[Bombay]

Zelda watched as she explained the intricacies of Hyrulian teleportation, and she saw how Samus put her hand up and mimicked her voice with it in a childish manner, so all she did was go into more, boring detail just to eat Samus’ time. If she could do nothing else, at least she could bore the girl into letting them leave. Clearly Samus woke up on the wrong side of the spaceship and she has something to prove, but Zelda won’t let herself succumb to such childish actions. Peach froze when Samus looked towards her and she looked at the two with an awkward smile unsure why she’s here. Clearly this beef is between them and she fears she’s just going to get caught in the fire.

“You can think what you want, but if you’re so curious, why not ask him? You know what, why not ask all of the links? You are aware that my Link is the only one I kept careful eye on, but all of them won’t respond. Now, I know it’s not genetic, and since all of them don’t have a Zelda, then why don’t they speak?” she places a finger up to her chin saying “hmmm” out loud just to mock her. Peach stood between the two “Samus, we’re never saying it was your fault, no one could have foreseen Ridley’s sneak attack, but you know this foe better then anyone. Perhaps it would be best if we all handle the enemies we know the best, which isn’t us. If we keep fighting each other, these villains will walk all over us! I’m grateful I got my sister, but not at the cost of that...thing joining us”. Zelda glares at Samus as she walks further into the studio and she follows her to the center “you do understand using my powers to sedate Gannondorf so he doesn’t destroy the universe is very different then “being kidnapped”, right? What I do is of my full discretion, but because I wear a crown, I must be a ditz, right?”

“Fine, if this is the only way to get you to shut your big mouth and apologize to Linky, then so be it” she places her hands together at her center and takes a deep breath in “but just know, this is foolish, you have nothing to prove and fighting me won’t solve anything”

Peach’s consultation came too little, too late. Samus was already beside herself with rage now and the only thing that could calm her down was a punching bag with blonde braids. ‘Ugh.’ She thought. Keeping up with incarnations of Zelda was such a pain. The first one went into hiding during Ganondorf’s attack, the second lost her kingdom to ‘twilight,’ or something, and now this one put Ganon in a coma… or something. The point, Samus would argue, is that Ganon wrecked the Kingdom every time and Link had to fix it every time.

“No.” Samus disagreed, taking up her fighting stance with both legs spread out and her arms at the ready. “This will definitely solve something. If nothing else, it’s good anger management.” Then nodding her head towards Peach, “And cake-buns over there could use the exercise.” Samus cracked her knuckles in preparation, then cracking her neck after, too. “So sure. If you can pin me down, I’ll seek out all three of your blonde bitches and say sorry.” She offered. “But if I win, then you better cancel any plans you have tonight, Princess.” Samus’ eyes narrowed, “Because I WILL teach you two to pull your own weight.” She promised.

“Even if I have to take you over my knee and spank you like a fucking kid.” Nothing like a little humiliation to get a Princess angry. Samus gestured towards herself with two fingers, her expression almost bored just to show she was fully serious.

[Bombay]

Zelda sighed and put her hair in a ponytail before she started to crack her fingers “this is foolish and childish, but if it will get you to stay quiet and take a step down from your “high and mighty” throne, then so be it.” Peach added “and that’s coming from a princess, impressive” she said with a smirk on her pink lips before Samus made that little jab at her “for your information, I do get exercise! You should see me on the soccer court” she huffed and crossed her arms “fine, two on one shouldn’t be too hard” she bent over and pulled out as turnip from the ground, one of her many talents. Zelda rolled her eyes and nodded her head “that’s a lesson I don’t need, but it will be fun to teach you one”


Zelda blushed at the mention of spanking, but she quickly shook her head. She hasn’t been spanked since she was a child, but there’s no way she’s going over the mercenary’s lap. Peach on the other hand is much more open to spankings, so she simply giggled “and if I win, then I get to spank you. It’s only fair seeing as I’m getting nothing out of this little skirmish”. Peach threw the turnip towards Samus while Zelda teleported behind Samus

There was humor to be had in a literal Princess telling her to ‘get off her throne,’ but Samus wasn’t laughing. A hardened grimace remained put on her face, even as Peach threatened her back with a spanking of her own… though, of course, the idea was laughable. Not Peach spanking her, though that was something that’d never happen in it’s own right; the idea of Peach (or Zelda, for that matter) beating her in a fight. Still, there was no time for snide remarks as the battle got off it’s feet; Samus merely muttered “Deal.” and raised her fists in front of her, ready for action.

In the heat of battle, time seemingly slowed down. Samus’ mind ran through the motions like they were really on Battlefield and not just wasting time in the Wii Fit Studio; Peach’s turnip came first. Zelda had warped away; shadows beneath her feet told her behind her. Rising both hands in front of her face, one palm reinforcing the other, Samus snagged the flying vegetable right out of thin air, catching it like a baseball to a mit. Peach was dealt with. Now, for Zelda.

Samus pointed one foot up, standing nearly on her tiptoes, and spun herself around by her heel, coming face-to-face with Zelda. Her arm chucked the newly acquired turnip forward, where it bounced nigh harmlessly off of Zelda’s forehead. That wasn’t her attack, though - it was her distraction. With her back turned to Peach still, Samus swept her foot underneath her and slid it underneath Zelda’s feet, swiping her right off her feet.

[Bombay]

Peach growled loudly seeing the girl grab the turnip out of the air, but she knew she had to do something. She started to charge at the girl getting ready for a “hip bump” but this was less than favorable seeing what happened next. Zelda teleported right behind Samus not knowing about this turnip-based attack, but was met with an oddly smiling vegetable which caused her to back up in fear. “gah!” she said jumping back, but this unbalance made her body fall to the ground with a thud with one swift swipe. She groaned loudly seeing Samus already placing her firm hand on her wrist before she saw Peach flying over her. Peach missed by a mile because Samus was already kneeling over Zelda.

Zelda had to think fast, there was no way she’s going to lose this bet with one move! Samus would never let her live it down. Nibbling on her bottom lip, a blue crystal began to form over her body encasing Samus’s wrist before she shatters the crystal in her face. She’s not sure if this will give her an opening, but at least, she’d be able to hurt the bounty hunter before she gets her revenge.