One Step Forward (CleverFox)

[LadyLoki]

Lucas could have thanked every god out there once Nikolai slowly stood up, and he was just relieved that he wasn’t going to have to do anything drastic. “Thanks.” He said quietly, before moving to open the door for the skinny figure. Lucas waited patiently for Nikolai to step into the hallway, before closing the door and nodding in the direction they were supposed to leave in. The front desk attendant offered him a cheery wave and Lucas couldn’t really muster one back.

“My car’s that black one in the corner. Sorry, it’s a little cluttered.”

Could Nikolai tell how uneasy he was? Lucas hoped not, because he really didn’t know what he was doing.

“I don’t live too far from here…I have an apartment. It’s pretty quiet, I don’t have any roommates or anything.” The young doctor supplied, since he didn’t think Nikolai was going to spill his life story right here and now, if ever. “I don’t...I wasn’t really expecting to bring home a sub tonight, so sorry if the place is a bit of a mess.”

Lucas put the car in gear, before pulling out into the busy streets of the city and heading home.

It wasn’t a long journey, and soon he had parked himself in his spot and opened the door.

“I’ll have a key made for you or something…so you can go out and do things.” Lucas mumbled out, looking for his own key as the elevator carried them up to his floor. “I’m supposed to go over rules and everything with you…but that can wait until tomorrow. I’d want a night to myself after being trapped in that creepy building.”

[CleverFox]

Even though he got to his feet when coaxed to do so it was only because there was really nothing else that he could do and Nikolai was aware of this fact. Sure he could continue to balk but what would that really gain him? More time spent in this horrible place that wanted to masquerade as something happy... inevitably being drugged into submission? Something along those lines and that was something that the lithe blonde was anxious to avoid if he could.

So he got to his feet, even though he didn't really want to, and then slowly followed Lucas out of the room.

The rather depressing room that had been serving as his prison cell.

Sure it was decorated to give off a happy aura, as was the entire building, but it was all just a shame. A pretty prison cell was still a prison cell and being out of the place was the one aspect of this that Nikolai wasn't going to complain about.

So he followed along as Lucas led the way to his car, listening to the words that were being spoken to him but not actually responding to them either vocally or with gestures. Instead the blonde kept his blue eyes focused on the ground in front of his feet as he walked along slowly, clearly a bit shaky and sluggish with his movements.

Once in the car Nikolai sort of curled up into a ball, remaining that way for the majority of the drive to the place that Lucas called home.

Again he listened to what the man was saying as he got out of the car and followed the man to his apartment, the blonde having debated making a run for it once out of the car but changing his mind before going through with that. Instead he just followed along behind silently, looking like a whipped dog with the way that he sort of cowered. Once they reached the apartment Nikolai waited for Lucas to open the door and then he stepped inside, his icy blue eyes taking in his surroundings as he did so.

Looking for things that he could use.

[LadyLoki]

The little blonde hadn’t responded to a word he’d said, and Lucas was starting to think he was definitely way in over his head. He’d never even had a sub other than a few casual relationships, but nothing like this. Lucas only got more and more concerned at the defeat that seemed to emanate off of Nikolai. “Um…welcome, I guess.” He said, shutting the door behind him and motioning to the apartment. “The kitchen is over there, if you’re hungry.” Lucas offered, pointing to the correct door.

“And through there is the guest bedroom, which is where you’ll be staying.” He said, pointing to a different door.

Lucas wasn’t going to force the sub to sleep in the same room as him, let alone the same bed.

“I figured that would be best, since you know…we don’t really know each other.” He finished lamely, although he didn’t know if Nikolai was really listening to what he was saying. The poor kid was probably more exhausted than anything, and Lucas hoped that sleeping somewhere that wasn’t the center would help.

The young doctor shifted slightly, before sighing and motioning for Nikolai to follow him into the guest room. “There’s the bathroom. It’s fully stocked with shampoo, soap, shaving supplies, anything you should need.” Lucas said, offering the blonde a weak smile. “Um…I guess, if you need anything let me know? There’s some stuff in the kitchen, I’ll get proper groceries tomorrow.”

With that, Lucas decided it would be best to leave Nikolai to get settled in. The little sub was probably more nervous with him around anyway.

As the night passed on, Lucas eventually headed to bed. Today had been exhausting, more emotionally than anything. He did keep his door open, just in case Nikolai called out to him for something, not that he thought the sub would. Lucas hadn’t opened his file. It would have been such an invasion of privacy that the doctor couldn’t reconcile doing it, even if it would have given him a little bit of insight. If Nikolai wanted him to know, Lucas just had to hope that the blonde would tell him.

If he ever spoke, that is.

[CleverFox]

Upon entering the apartment Nikolai's icy blue eyes shifted here and there, the lithe blonde taking note of his surroundings in much the same manner that an animal likely would have. He did occasionally risk a glance to Lucas as the dom spoke to him but he never let his gaze linger and he never made eye contact, he instead kept his eyes averted even when he was looking at the older man. He was hearing the words that were being spoken to him but he wasn't really giving any hints to that since he wasn't responding.

The one clue that he did offer that he was actually paying attention was following Lucas when the man told him to come.

Nikolai followed Lucas into the guest room and then listened to the rest of what the man had to say, offering up a small nod of acknowledgement. He watched as Lucas turned and left the room and then at that point he started to look around first the bedroom and then the guest bathroom. The one thing that had stood out in Nikolai's mind during Lucas's little tour was the fact that there were razors and that was where his mind immediately fixated. Going into the bathroom the slight figure looked around until he found the razors but unfortunately they were safety razors and he couldn't get the blade off.

That didn't deter him and at that point he quietly made his way to the kitchen where he rummaged around until he found a knife. Having done that he held the blade to the crook of his arm at his elbow, not going for the wrist because he knew that wasn't effective.

[LadyLoki]

Lucas’ eyes slowly opened when he heard someone in the kitchen, and he let out a sleepy yawn before hauling himself out of bed. “Nikolai…is that you?” He called out sleepily, his footsteps heading toward the kitchen. Lucas pushed the door open, before letting out the most horrified gasp. His eyes immediately flashed to the knife, and the doctor rushed forward to quickly toss the knife into the sink. “Jesus Christ, Nikolai why?” Lucas asked, grabbing a towel to staunch any blood flow and putting pressure on the blonde’s elbow.

He wasn’t even thinking anymore, just reacting. Lucas had seen some self-inflicted wounds before, and he’d treated them, but to walk in on that had been horrifying.

“We’re going to the hospital.” Lucas said firmly, before easily heaving the blonde up into his arms bridal style. The slight sub weighed next to nothing, and it was easy enough to grab his keys and wallet from the nightstand. Lucas didn’t bother listening to any protests because he had one goal in mind, and that was to make sure nothing was seriously damaged. “Why, Nikolai?” He murmured out, before yanking the back door open and settling the blonde inside. The doctor would have put him up front, but the back doors had a childlock on them. Lucas quickly got into the driver’s seat and stomping on the gas to head to the nearest hospital.

It happened to be the one he worked at, and Lucas threw the car door open before bodily carried Nikolai into the hospital. The front nurse recognized him and immediately signaling for one of the other nurses to start seeing to the wound. Lucas kept Nikolai on his lap so the blonde couldn’t squirm away.

[CleverFox]

Due to the fact that he was so absorbed in what he was doing Nikolai didn't even hear Lucas when the man called out to him and thus he was unaware of the fact that the dom was awake. It wasn't until Lucas appeared and pulled the knife away that this became blatantly obvious, the blonde's eyes widening slightly as he heard what the man had to say and watched him toss the knife before placing a towel on his arm.

"No...I don't want to..." Nikolai protested when Lucas said that they were going to the hospital, the blonde shaking his head. "Just... pretend you didn't see anything..."

There was an almost pleading tone to his voice as Nikolai said this.

It seemed that Lucas wasn't listening as the man scooped him up and carried him out to the car, Nikolai a little surprised that he was deposited in the back of the car. He made one attempt to open the door but then just leaned against it when that proved to be a futile endeavor. It was a relatively short trip to the hospital, which was a good thing because Nikolai wasn't holding pressure to the wound on his arm.

He squirmed slightly once he was removed from the car after they reached the hospital, his gaze going to Lucas as the man carried him inside. Their arrival gained an immediate response from the medical staff, the pair led to a room where people immediately started to tend to the unhappy sub.

"Stop..." Nikolai said weakly, pushing at the hand of the nurse that was attempting to clean the wound so that she could gauge the severity of it.

[LadyLoki]

When Nikolai seemed insistent on pushing the nurse away, Lucas decided he was going to have to actually do something. He firmly wrapped his arms around Nikolai’s upper arms and tightened his hold, immobilizing the little blonde so that the nurse could begin cleaning the wound off. Lucas almost couldn’t look at it. He was a doctor and he had seen this before, many times, but it was different this time around. The two of them were going to have to have a talk.

Still, Lucas settled Nikolai against his chest. “They have to clean it so they can start stitching it back together.” He murmured, even though he was pretty sure that would defeat the purpose of the sub trying to kill himself.

The blonde had actually pleaded with him to just let him die.

That was the hardest part. Lucas’ body winced at the memory, before he glanced back down to Nikolai as the nurse stood up to fetch the materials needed to start stitching the cut back together. Lucas held the compress in place while she left, before sighing softly. “It’s going to be okay. They’re going to stich it up and then we’re going to get you a room.” He said quietly. Honestly, he didn’t know if it was going to be that easy.

Lucas knew the routine. Suicide attempts were a mandatory twenty-four hour observation, especially under suspected abuse terms. From one hospital to another, all in less than two days. “I’ll stay here with you…they’re going to take you to one of the wings and keep you overnight.” To make sure you don’t do it again, but that went unsaid.

“Why?” Lucas asked quietly, before the nurse could come back. “You planned this…before we even got back, didn’t you?” He questioned, voice almost tight.

[CleverFox]

Nothing in this situation was working out the way that Nikolai had anticipated.

Honestly the little blonde waif had thought that Lucas would stay in his room the entire night and even when he was caught in the act he had thought that the dom would listen to his pleas. Why he'd thought that was anyone's guess though it probably had something to do with the fact that Lucas hadn't really asked for this. He didn't really have a better rationale for his thoughts on this matter.

When he found himself restrained so that he couldn't fight against the nurse any longer Nikolai actually whimpered softly as he made another vain attempt to pull away from Lucas. The small sub was really not happy right now and he didn't want to cooperate but he was growing weaker and so his protests were also losing strength.

He looked up when Lucas said that they were going to get the wound taken care of and the rest, the blonde shaking his head slightly. "I don't want..." he murmured, again shaking his head as if to further emphasize this point. Nikolai himself had no idea just how things worked when it came to such actions so he didn't know what was in store for him once the wound was taken care of.

"Planned it...for a long...long time..." Nikolai murmured since this was not something that occurred to him on this particular day, it was something that he had been thinking and plotting for quite some time. "Wasn't...you..." he added, not even sure why he felt the need to say that but something prompted him to do it. He was wary of Lucas simply because he was a dom and the blonde didn't have good experiences with those, but Lucas wasn't the cause of this and for whatever reason Nikolai wanted to tell him that.

After saying that he made another attempt to pull away.

"Please..." he murmured, begging again.

[LadyLoki]

“I know you don’t want to, but that’s what’s going to happen, unfortunately.”

That was probably the closest to a dom he had sounded all evening, but it was more out of necessity than anything else. “We don’t have much of a choice. They won’t let you go until you’ve been held under observation, and I am not just going to leave you here and go home.” Lucas said, his voice softening a little bit so he didn’t end up scaring the already miserable little sub pinned against his chest.

Hearing that Nikolai had planned this for a while didn’t make it any easier. Maybe he should be feeling less guilty that he didn’t do something to provoke it, but Lucas didn’t. “Well…thank you for letting me know that I didn’t cause you to want to attempt suicide, but that still doesn’t make it okay.” He said quietly, before tightening his hold when he felt the sub beginning to pull away again.

“Sorry Nikolai, but I can’t let you go. You need help, not just from the…the cut, but…” Lucas didn’t want to say ‘everything’ because that would have been rude. “I’m guessing that whoever your doms were before weren’t good people.” He said quietly, staring at the pale hospital walls ahead of the two of them. “But I don’t want you to think that your only escape from that is death.”

The nurse returned, motioning for Lucas to follow with Nikolai in tow. “I’m going to carry you.” He said apologetically, mostly because he didn’t believe that he could trust the blonde not to make a break for it if he let him go. “We’ll discuss this later…the nurses probably want to talk to both of us about procedure and everything.” Lucas slowly stood, adjusting his hold so that he was carefully balancing Nikolai bridal style more or less. “Please don’t struggle or I’ll have to toss you over my shoulder and I don’t want to reopen the cut already.”

He just wanted to sleep, but he had an obligation to be here.

Being a dom was not off to a great start.

[CleverFox]

"They can't...can't make me stay..." Nikolai murmured when Lucas told him that the staff wasn't going to allow him to leave, the little blonde thinking that they couldn't hold him against his will. Of course he didn't know how things of this nature worked so he was in for quite the surprise when it was made obvious that they both could and would hold him against his will and there was nothing that he could do about it.

He turned his icy blue eyes to his new dom when Lucas spoke of his previous ones and he actually shuddered slightly when Lucas made the guess that they weren't good people. It would have been easy for him to say that all doms were like that but he was too wary to make that accusation while he was being held in the arms of the man that had complete control of his life. He was suicidal but he wasn't stupid and he didn't want to provoke this man that he had just met since he didn't yet know how Lucas reacted to things.

And past experiences were causing his imagination to run wild on the subject.

Nikolai's gaze went to the nurse as she returned and as soon as he was picked up the little blonde started to squirm weakly. It wasn't even enough to really cause Lucas any problems, Nikolai was just too weak to fight at this point but that didn't mean that he wasn't still going to try.

"I...don't...want..." Nikolai murmured as he was carried out of the exam room and down a hallway, the youth wondering just where it was that they were going. He had no idea what was going on at this point but he was starting to get a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he decidedly did not like.

All he wanted to do was sleep and not hurt anymore.