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The final page, where I treat you to some more shameless fanservice. See how we kept the nakedness down this time? No breasts until the very last page ^^
I even managed to keep the bust size fairly moderate. After talking with Macha I realized my characters look much more busty than I intend them to most of the time. So I was especially careful this time. Still looks very good, no?
Story and Characters by Macha
Artwork by CM_Zero
So this marks the end of this little comic. I hope you enjoyed this little joint-venture of Macha and me. A small but lovingly made yuri manga, made in Germany ^^
If you enjoyed it you can do Macha and me a favour and comment. Comment each picture with a few sentences, tell us what you think. What did you like? What would you have liked different? How can either Macha or I improve on our story/drawing work? Know that we both would greatly appreciate your numerous and detailed feedback.
It's so much more rewarding, for artist and writer alike, to know you people care about our work.
It would also greatly motivate us to continue with our creative processes in the future.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this fun ride with Hisui, our proud yet shy swordwoman and Kyuubi, our most devious kistune.
The perfect ending to a lovely comic. I think this one particularly had just the right amount of fan service, without being too shameless. ^.~ Jk, jk. But really, the comic was a very good work for you both, a good story with well developed characters, and wonderful artwork to tell it all.
What I liked about the comic was it was light hearted and loving, but still sexy and having added touches of humor. That's always the winning combination for me: Sexy + Funny. But it balanced the scales, and didn't have too much of one or the other, creating a perfect mix. Stylistically this comic format was very successful. The panels were neatly done, easily followable, and word bubbles made the dialogue easily legible and descernable as far as who was speaking. I think this was the most successful comic layout I've seen of your work, specifically, Zero.
Criticism wise, there were a few grammatical errors in the dialogue, but it didn't impede the story flow much, if at all. Most all the positions and coloring were well done and of high quality, so nothing to really criticize there in my opinion.
This end page, specifically, is very cute, how she is hugging onto her from behind, but despite their nudity they are all smiles and blushing, showing love and pleasure from their recent adventure. ^^ Very sexy. I agree that the breasts are lovely without being too huge and overwhelming. Nice job! Overall this was a very well done collaboration, and I hope to see more of your combined work in the future. ^_^ Loved it!
Looks like Kyuubi finally achieved her goal ! I really enjoy how loving they look together.
Macha : good job on having CM draw reasonable bustlines ! I guess there's a natural tendency for male artists to get over-enthusiastic about such things... (Not that I really mind most of the time, to be honest...)
Anyway, it's time for some global comments !
Regarding the art, I've already mentioned how much I enjoy the expressions. They convey the emotions of the characters extremely well, a very important quality for a comics with such a story. Good expressions are perhaps the element I find most important in spanking, erotic or romance drawings (and this comics has all three themes).
The two characters were very well-drawn and nice looking. If I have a suggestion, it's that Kyuubi's ears could have been used to emphasize her emotions (you know, the same way a cat's ears adopt different positions depending on its feelings).
The clothes were simple, but okay. I liked Hisui's better. I found Kyuubi's to be a bit shapeless at times, to be honest.
The positions were nice and contributed a lot to making the characters expressive. More diverse angles during the spanking could have been a good thing, however.
The background is fairly limited but it is sufficient to suggest the story is happening in a forest and that's all that was really necessary.
The visual atmosphere is very good, both at being funny (in the first half) and at being sensual (in the second one).
Regarding the story, it was enjoyable to have a story set in medieval-fantasy Japan. The two characters were nicely contrasted and I enjoyed their relation. The mischievous Kyuubi was funny and I really enjoyed Hisui's reactions to her. Hisui's progressive change of mind about the spanking (going from highly embarrassed to quite excited over the course of five pages) was very well paced.
Having the viewers wait for the end of page 10 before they can actually see any spanking is a good idea, as it builds the desire to see the scene. Of course, it goes perfectly with the basic idea of the story : Kyuubi having trouble convincing Hisui to spank her (before moving on to other activities...).
I think the spanking could have been a page longer (of course, you never want to see an end to good things).
Stage 2 of Kyuubi's plan is a nice, sexy idea. Didn't see that coming.
Congratulations to both of you. I can honestly say I love the result !
That was very enjoyable from both of you. Fanservice doesn't hurt and you managed to keep it low this time so we can enjoy it more. And thanks to you I realize your right about the boob thing. Heeee. You drew everything so well, though I already said what needs improvement. So now I'll say congradulations on finishing and well done.
Your turn Macha. Thats right, this parts for you. I was deeply impressed by your knowledge of samurai undergarments, and your ability to transform the legendary kyubi into a cute energetic girl. The build up was well placed, but I'm surprised she wasn't surprised that just coming out with her feeling actually worked. And if Hisui was truly as shy as you let on then surely she would put her top back on before engaging in any activity, or even conversation. Maybe I'm over analyzing, but I'm trying to cover minor details. A common problem with writers isn't plot because yours is obviously well laid out and wonderful, but forgeting little things that when you put yourself in their shes you should be able to see them doing can make a story less impressive. The general plot is good, just pay closer attention to the little things. And despite that I still wish I could read your amazing story. Good luck on future works.
Huh? Oh, no, you're absolutely correct. There's actually reason for that, tho: Page count. We agreed early on the number of pages, which simply forced me to cut a few things - in this case a)a scene of surprise, and b)more detail on the shyness. These scenes overall did not add that much to the story that wasn't already there, so they were chosen to be cut for the final one.
But yeah, were this a story without any constraint, those things would be in. The whole "Kyuubi trying to be annoying" part would be bigger and actually detailed. There'd be more of their backstory, too.
Thank you everyone for your comments on the pages of this comic. Macha and I really appreciate it (although we always want moar ^^).
To the people who didn't like the chibi passages, I would have to say I have to disagree with them. SD or chibi is a huge part of most of my favourite light hearted manga and anime. I think they fit especially well into a comic like this and I don't think they disturb the reading flow here in any way (or make them lose the manga feel for that matter). The only thing I might agree with is that my chibies might still need some work and I should try to make them more detailed and carefully the next time.
On another note, the fang thing is one of my favs too ^^
I only really have one question<br><br>Is there sequel?<br>Also i think that it is a very nice comic not to into the whole sexual side of spanking more of someone trying to get the other one mad at them very good in my opinion XD<br>
